


Conviction

by Yummypi31415



Series: The Divine Trilogy [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, F/F, F/M, Fix-It, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Canon Fix-It, Post-Season/Series 15, Season/Series 16, completes character arcs, completes story arcs, explains the empty, ties up loose ends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-18 13:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 29,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29118630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yummypi31415/pseuds/Yummypi31415
Summary: The tale of the Winchester brothers may have been destined to end bloody but after defeating Chuck, Sam and Dean are finally free to write their own stories. As they begin their new lives, they’re left questioning what they actually want and if a hunter’s journey is ever really over.Part 2: Conviction1) the act or process of finding a person guilty of a crime especially in a court of law.2) a strong persuasion or beliefFor a brief moment when Dean returns from the Empty with Castiel, all seemed right in the world. But as always, the situation is more complicated than it first seems. The question remains if Dean was able to bring back Cas whole or if Castiel still has more time to serve on his deal with the Empty.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester, Kaia Nieves/Claire Novak
Series: The Divine Trilogy [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2133396
Comments: 10
Kudos: 16





	1. Heart of Glass

**Author's Note:**

> So I was disappointed in how Supernatural ended. While I can see why certain plot points were used, the conclusion has been bugging me. To me, it felt incomplete and left too many loose threads. So, I’ve decided to take those loose threads and knit myself a blanket in which I can snuggle in as some sort of comfort. I’m not promising an easy journey, but if you're looking for some kind of resolution like I am, come join me. 
> 
> As part of “The Divine Trilogy”, this story will be broken up into three parts:
> 
> Part 1: Redemption  
> Part 2: Conviction  
> Part 3: Devotion 
> 
> For Part 2: Conviction, the story picks up right after Part 1. In this section, we learn more about how Cas’s time in the Empty has effected him and how this may change his relationship with the Winchesters. I’ve put up the links for Part 3 is case you want to “skip ahead” and get a quick summary of the next sections to see if you’ll be interested in the story.
> 
> For each part, expect several short chapters. This should make it easier for me to edit as I go and will make each chapter a quick read.
> 
> I’ve never written anything like this before, so expect mistakes. Please feel free to leave comments on how I can fix my writing or the story. I really would appreciate the feedback. If the only good that comes out of this story is an improvement in my writing skills, I consider that a win. I’m really new at this and still figuring everything out as I go.
> 
> Content warning:  
> Most of the content in here is the same as what was featured in the show. Some violence, some language, mentions of death, afterlife, sacrifice, etc. If you are ok with the content of Supernatural the TV Show, I think you should be fine with the content in this post. Please let me know if there is anything that I should be adding as content/trigger warnings.
> 
> As a note, the f word will be used once in Part 2, but because that would still land it a PG-13 rating by the MPA, I figured I’ll keep the teen rating.
> 
> Tumblr: https://yummypi314.tumblr.com

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“Heart of Glass (Crabtree Remix)” by Philip Glass**
> 
> _Once I had a love and it was a gas  
>  Soon turned out had a heart of glass  
> Seemed like the real thing, only to find  
> Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind_
> 
> _Once I had a love and it was divine  
>  Soon found out I was losing my mind  
> It seemed like the real thing but I was so blind  
> Mucho mistrust, love's gone behind_
> 
> _In between  
>  What I find is pleasing and I'm feeling fine  
> Love is so confusing, there's no peace of mind  
> If I fear I'm losing you it's just no good  
> You teasing like you do _

Having narrowly escaped Zachariah’s wrath, Castiel teleports Dean to an abandoned road. They are safe, for now. Relief washes over him, but under that feeling is a sense of unease. He is disobeying. What he is doing is wrong. But why? Why should he think that protecting Dean Winchester goes against God’s plan? Fighting to save the world, that’s an angel’s purpose. As Heaven’s shield, he swore to defend humanity. For now, that means stopping the Apocalypse, even if he must betray his brothers and sisters. His mind scrambles, trying to sort out what is right and what is wrong. The feeling of doubt or uncertainty are still new to him and he is unsure of what he should do. But he has to make a choice because he has come to the point where he must decide on which path he should take. But the road ahead is unclear, the map long gone. He’s been lost for awhile now, ever since he pulled the righteous man from Hell. 

“Perfect timing Cas.” Dean gives him a smile and with that smile, Castiel’s conviction returns. He is following Michael’s sword, this is his destiny. 

“We had an appointment.” Castiel responses as he manages to cling to a glimmer of hope in the future. 

Grabbing Castiel’s shoulder, Dean stares intently into Castiel’s eyes. “Never change.” Dean’s touch generates a rush of feelings, feelings Castiel doesn’t understand and can’t yet name.

But before Castiel can response, a sickening voice comes from Dean, “Always so naive.” Slowly, Dean’s features begin to change. His warm smile morphs into a sinister sneer. From inside his jacket, he withdraws an angel blade and plunges it into Castiel’s side. The pain sears through Castiel and grace oozes from his body. He lets out a loud wail of pain as he grabs at his open wound and collapses to the ground. 

Dean cackles and his face transforms into Jimmy Novack, the same face Castiel has come to think of as his own. Jimmy's mouth spits the words, “Always so gullible, so willing to believe.” 

The scene of the abandoned road fades away and is replaced with nothing. The memories come flooding back. Castiel is back, he is back in the Empty. 

On the ground, which isn’t even really the ground, Castiel curls around himself in pain. Tentatively bringing a hand to his side, he feels the tear in his shirt where the blade pierced his body. He draws his hand away and see that he isn’t bleeding, even though he can still feel the dull pain. Surveying his clothes, he spots other tears and he remembers how each tear corresponds to other memories that have turned against him. 

The Empty, still wearing Jimmy’s face, lays down next to him, and the Empty’s breathes out frosty air on Castiel’s skin. Trying to block out the sensation, Castiel squeezes his eyes shut. 

Unfazed, the Empty continues to cackle, “You would think you would have learned by now, your life was never meant to be a love story. But no, you keep making the same mistakes over and over again. You just keep forgetting the lessons I want you to learn.” The Empty reaches out and lays a hand on Castiel’s cheek and the icy cold burns against his skin. "But don’t worry, I’m a very eager teacher, even if you aren’t a willing student.” 

Images flash through Castiel’s mind. Memories infected with deceit and betrayal. It has been months, or years, or maybe an eternity since Castiel submitted to the Empty to save Dean and to save the world. Since then, he’s been subjected to his own personal form of torture. A manipulation of his memories until he doesn’t know what is real and what is fiction. But through it all, Castiel has clung to his faith in what he believes in and in who he believes in. 

Castiel’s eyes open to blank out the false memories and now all he sees is the Empty’s face, mere inches from his own. 

“Castiel,” The Empty spits out his name, drawing out each syllable. The Empty’s voice whispers, not needing to be raised due to the closeness and the silence. “You have become a thorn in my side. Not only did you wake me up. No, no, no, just when I was so close to finally getting some rest, your son had to make it so loud in here.” 

The Empty winces, trying to block out noise that Castiel can’t hear.

The Empty speaks, “So many things, too many things, are now awake and I don’t know if they will ever go back to sleep.” With a quick, fluid motion, the Empty stands and picks Castiel up by the throat, “And for that, I am going to make you suffer, in ways you can’t imagine.”


	2. Cold As Ice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“Cold As Ice” by Foreigner**
> 
> _You're as cold as ice  
>  You're willing to sacrifice our love_
> 
> _You never take advice  
>  Someday you'll pay the price, I know_
> 
> _I've seen it before  
>  It happens all the time  
> You're closing the door  
> You leave the world behind  
> You're digging for gold  
> Yet throwing away  
> A fortune in feelings  
> But someday you'll pay _

Dean works his way up to standing and he notices Sam, still hunched over, trying to breath. 

Sam lets out a groan, “What’s was that all about?” 

Dazed, Dean shakes his head, “I don’t know man, but I certainly didn’t have Cas kicking you in the balls on my bingo card for tonight. He went full Chuck Norris on your ass.” Dean surveys their surroundings. Scanning the tree line Cas ran into, his mind maps out a strategy. 

“Very funny Dean.” Sam winches, “It’s good to have you back.”

Sam stands fully upright and attempts to walk off Cas' defensive strike. Dean reaches into the duffle and finds a flashlight for himself and tosses one to Sam. “What do you say we go find us an angel?” 

Dean clicks on his flashlight and checks his watch, 10:23 PM. They have another 9 hrs until sunrise. Searching for Cas in the dark will be difficult but the longer they wait, the harder it will be to follow Cas’ trail. Dean takes a bandage from his bag and wraps his hand. The pain has mostly subsided, but his hand is still flaming red. Dean picks up his jacket from the ground and shrugs it on. Since he went into the Empty, the temperature has dropped close to freezing and based on the storm he can feel coming, the temperature will likely continue to fall.

After putting on the backpack of gear, Dean aims his flashlight into the tree line and signals to Sam. “Let’s head out.” 

Without protest, Sam follows and the brothers wordless venture into the wooded area.

Dean lets out a sigh. 

_Cas._

_Cas is back._

_He’s actually back._

Against all odds, Dean had managed to save him. Dean had done it, he had brought Cas back. Dean had gripped Cas tight and raised him from perdition. 

But, Cas didn’t seem the same. When Dean touched him, he felt different. And when Dean held Cas’ face, Cas was distant. Cas’ sky blue eyes were a dark storm and a threatening thought crosses Dean’s mind. What if he had brought Cas back wrong? Like how Sam came back from Hell without a soul. Max’s finally warnings ring in his ears. All magic has a price. But Dean couldn’t think about that right now. All the unanswered questions in his mind can be answered later. His only goal for the past five months has been to save Cas and Dean had done that, he had rescued Cas from the Empty. Now he just needed to find the angel to bring him home.


	3. What is Love?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“What is Love?” By Haddaway, Cover by Diane Birch**
> 
> _No, I don't know why you're not fair  
>  I give you my love, but you don't care  
> So what is right?  
> What is wrong?  
> Gimme a sign _
> 
> _What is love?  
>  Baby, don't hurt me  
> Don't hurt me  
> No more_
> 
> _What is love?  
>  Baby, don't hurt me,  
> Don’t you hurt me  
> Don’t you hurt me no more_

Kneeling next to a river bed, Castiel washes his hands. His fingers are stained red by the blood of the djinn he just smitted. But his hands can never be clean, not after all that he has done, all the angels he has killed and all the innocents who have died from his misguided attempts to save the world. He deserves this, his penance of a lonely existence in Purgatory.

A cracking of a tree branch alters Cas to a presence and he turns to face the trees in the wooded area behind him. Raising his blade, Castiel prepares to defend himself from yet another attack.

“Cas?” Dean calls as he comes running out from the trees. Relief floods Dean’s face as he encircles Castiel in his arms. The embrace is unfamiliar, a representation of kinship that Castiel is not accustomed to experiencing. But while Castiel is comforted by the action, he is unable to return the gesturer, not after all the pain Castiel has caused Dean. Pulling back from the embrace, Dean looks into Castiel’s face. “Cas, where have you been? Why did you run?”

“I don’t know…” Castiel can’t form the words and confusion swarms his brain. Something doesn’t feel right. He’s been here before, hasn’t he? Another tree branch snaps and Cas watches any unfamiliar figure emerge from the wooded area and slides casually next to Dean. Castiel points his angel blade at the intruder.

‘Easy there tiger,” Dean quips, “That’s Benny. He’s here to help.”

Castiel scrutinizes the stranger and senses he’s a vampire. An urge in Castiel’s gut tells him to grab Dean and run. Dean isn’t safe here. Castiel needs to protect him and they need to leave. Yet there is a reason Castiel is staying away from Dean but Castiel can’t remember why. 

In a strong Cajun accent, the vampire draws, “Dean, he can’t join us. Just look at him, he’s glowing like a lightnin’ bug. He’s a beacon for everything here and he is going to get you killed.”

Dean contemplates Castiel and then gazes back to Benny. While not wanting to agree with the beast, Castiel knows that the vampire is right. Wherever Castiel goes, he causes pain, anguish and death. Dean is safer when Castiel isn’t around. 

Dean finally glances back at Castiel, his once warm face now cold. “He’s right. You can’t come with us.”

The vampire sneers at Castiel and turns to walk back into the tree line. Following the vampire, Dean calls over his shoulder, “Goodbye Castiel.” 

But Castiel finds that he can’t let Dean go. No, there is something he needs to tell him, something he needs to say, so he shouts, “Dean, wait.”

When Castiel catches up to them, Benny snidely whispers, “Fool,” as he drives a blade straight into Castiel's heart. Castiel stumbles backward and lands on the ground clutching his chest. Grace drains from the hole in heart and gradually the steady stream of glowing liquid turns the deep crimson of blood. 

Passively standing by, Dean speaks in a calm voice, “Castiel, this is the way it has to be. For me to live, you have to die.” 

With nothing else left to say, Dean and Benny leave and their figures are soon hidden by the dense trees. Waiting for death to take him, Castiel curls around himself on the ground. But when he opens his eye, he is in a different wooded area by a different creek. He feels so cold and so alone but in his mind, he can still hear a distance evil chuckle, “Fool.”


	4. Come As You Are

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“Come As You Are” by Nirvana**
> 
> _Come as you are, as you were  
>  As I want you to be  
> As a friend, as a friend  
> As an old enemy_
> 
> _Take your time, hurry up  
>  Choice is yours, don't be late  
> Take a rest as a friend  
> As an old_
> 
> _Memoria, memoria_  
>  Memoria, memoria

Sam sweeps the flashlight beam along the forest floor, searching for any tracks or signs of Cas.

“Cas!” Shouts Dean. “Cas, you son of bitch, stop being such an annoying idiot and get your feathery ass out here.” 

Sam sighs, “Dean, I don’t think that is helping.” 

“Why is he being such a pain in the ass?” Dean grumbles, mostly to himself. 

“Because he’s Cas, when does he ever do anything the easy way?” Sam retorts and Dean scoffs at the true statement. 

Sam had been avoiding bring up what he has been thinking but they need to talk about Cas before they find him. As casually as he can, Sam asks, “Did he look different to you? Did something seem off?”

“Other than him going all John Wick on you?” Dean flicks the light over to the sound of rustling, but only illuminates a startled squirrel. He huffs out his frustration.

Still a bit sore, Sam responses, “Yeah. Other than that.” 

Dean stops walking and regards Sam. “A bit, yeah. I mean Cas is Cas, he's always been a bit strange. But he seemed distance.” Dean shifts uncomfortably, “Why do you think he ran?”

“I don’t know.” Sam shrugs. 

Dean looks around, as if there might be someone who could overhear their conversation. “What if I didn’t bring his back right?” 

Sam doesn’t know what to say, having thought the same thing. They had messed with the cosmic balance and when has that ever turned out alright for them? Sam can’t believe that Cas is back. He hadn’t wanted to hope that Cas would ever return, knowing how dangerous that kind of hope can be. But Sam also understands, that if something is wrong and if whatever came back isn’t Cas, he will have to be the one to stop him. Sam would rather Dean spent the rest of his life hating Sam for what Sam must do, than hating himself. Sam clears his throat, “Let’s keep moving.” 

A few minutes later, Dean finally picks up Cas’ trail. Sam doesn’t mention that the footprints hint that Cas might be injured, slightly dragging his right leg behind his left. There would be no use in adding more urgency to their search when Sam can sense that Dean is already having trouble containing his fear. 

The brothers follow the trail to a clearing that runs along a creek. It’s close to midnight and moving out of the tree covering allows the moonlight to illuminate their path. Sam shines his flashlight along the water’s edge and stops when he sees something, a crumped tan trench coat on the ground by the creek. Dean sets off at a sprint and Sam isn’t far behind. 

When they reach Cas, he is barely moving but the gently rise of fall of his breath give hope that he is mostly unharmed.

“Cas?” Dean whispers. 

The only confirmation they hear from Cas is a half hearted muttering of the word “fool”.


	5. Hold The Line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“Hold The Line” by Toto**
> 
> _It's not in the way that you hold me  
>  It's not in the way you say you care  
> It's not in the way you've been treating my friends  
> It's not in the way that you stayed till the end  
> It's not in the way you look or the things that you say that you'll do_
> 
> _Hold the line  
>  Love isn't always on time  
> Hold the line  
> Love isn't always on time _  
> Love isn't always on time

From the rearview mirror, Dean studies Cas' profile, illuminated by the passing headlights. Even in this dim light, Dean can see Cas' cold indifference as he stares out the window. 

The brothers somehow managed to convince Cas to come back with them and Dean decides it would be best to drive the three of them to his cabin. Based on the way Cas is acting, Dean was worried the chaos of the bunkers activity would be too much for Cas to handle. Cas hasn’t spoken a word to the brothers since they found him in the clearing, other than the occasional mutter of the word “fool.” Because of Cas’ silence, Dean finds himself during the entire drive home checking in the rearview mirror so he can be sure that Cas is still there. 

When they arrive at the cabin, Dean hands Cas a change of clean clothes. When he asks Cas to let him know if he needs anything, the only acknowledgement Dean receives is a small nod. Still not meeting Dean’s eyes, Cas retreats to the bathroom and locks the door. 

While Cas cleans up, Dean prepares a fire in the fireplace to warm the chilled air in the cabin and Sam calls Eileen to give her an updated. Dean overhears Eileen crying with relief over the video call, but Dean is still too numb to feel. In a corner of his mind, he question if at any moment, he’ll wake up from his dream to find that Cas is still gone, still lost to the Empty. But Dean holds on to hope as he moves nervously around the cabin, finding small task to keep himself busy. 

When Cas returns from the bathroom, washed clean of the dirt and mud, the extent of his injuries are more evident. The long sleeves of the thick sweater he is wearing are pushed up to his elbows, revealing a nasty gash on his left arm. Hints of bruises are scattered across his face and his bottom lip is cracked open. By the way he moves slowly to the couch, Dean suspects there are other injuries that are not visible. Dean rubs at his bandaged hand, which hours before had been throbbing but now has the pins and needles sensation of having fallen asleep. He wondering if the accompany mark on Cas' shoulder has begun to fade as well. Wordlessly perched on the couch by the fireplace, Cas is still not meeting Dean’s eyes. So Dean grabs a first aid kit from the bathroom and sits on the table in front of Cas. 

“Can I?” Dean asks pointing to the first aid kit. 

Staring into the fireplace, Cas nods and Dean reaches for Cas' arm. Dean’s touch lingers against Cas’ skin. Having never been the one to do the healing before, Dean takes his time. Dean begins to clean the wound when Cas flinches as the antiseptic hits his skin. 

“Sorry.” Dean whispers and he tries to be more gentle. Dabbing at the cut he asks, “Why don’t you heal yourself?”

A simple “Can’t” falls from Cas’ lips.

Down playing his surprise at Cas answering him, Dean casually replies. “Juice in your battery is probably low. Guess inter-dimensional space travel will do that. Needing to switch time zones and all.” With that, Dean returns to silently dressing Cas’ injuries. 

When Dean finishes the wrapping, Cas snaps his arm back and continues to stare into the roaring blaze. Taken aback, Dean signals for Sam to follow him and the brothers move to the spare bedroom. Dean shuts the door behind him with a soft click. 

“Is he alright?” Sam asks with concern as he shoves his hands deep into his pockets. 

“Honestly, no idea. Something isn’t right, the look in his eyes, a bit too Norman Bates.” Dean can still feel Cas’ icy glare. But despite their coldness, Dean still wants those eyes to look at him, so Dean will know that the person behind them still exists, that Cas is still in there somewhere. 

“Should we be leaving him alone? What if he runs again?” Sam has vocalized Dean fear. Cas wasn’t one to stick around in the best of times, so what’s keeping him here now? 

When Dean doesn’t respond, Sam asks, hesitantly, “Have you tried to contact Jack? Maybe he can help”

Dean clears his throat, “You should do it. I can’t, not after what I said and what I did.” 

Sam looks at him puzzled and Dean sighs out, “I said he wasn’t family. I let him sacrifice himself and didn’t do anything to stop him.” Dean goes to sit on the edge of the bed. “I was still so angry after everything with Mom that I couldn’t see that he was still hurting too.” 

A voice from the other side of the room startles the brothers, “You’re in luck that Jack is a forgiving God.” 

The brothers raise their weapons. In front of them is Amara, looking the same way she did the day she merged with Chuck, but perhaps a bit more irritated. “Don’t looks so shocked, it’s like you forget all about me.” 

Panic overcomes Dean. “Where Jack?” If Amara is here, does that mean that Amara has taken over Jack? Is Jack now lost to the Darkness? 

“Calm down Dean, Jack’s right here. We are one now, remember” Amara touches her chest lightly, “No need to come out of retirement to hunt me down, Jack is perfectly fine.”

“Retirement? How did you… Have you been watching us?” Dean accuses, raising his gun a little higher. 

Amara rolls her eyes, “Don’t flatter yourself Dean, you’re not that interesting. We’re hands off, just like Jack promised. But Sam’s prayers have been keeping us up to date.” 

Dean stares at Sam. So Sam prays to Jack.

Sam holsters his gun and asks, “Why come now?”

Amara, still focused on Dean, responses, “Up until now, Jack didn’t think you were ready to see him. He didn’t want to come back until we were able to get Cas from the Empty.”

“The two of you were trying to save Cas?” Dean asks skeptically, holstering his gun as well.

Amara raises her eyebrow, “Oh course we were. Castiel is Jack’s family.” 

“But if you weren’t able to save Cas, how were we?” Dean didn’t want to think that the answer may be that he hadn’t saved Cas, that the person sitting in his living room is a stranger.   
Amara sighs, “We don’t have power in the Empty. The Empty has put up barriers to specifically protect against interference from Heaven and Hell. It took Chuck millennia to learn how to manipulate the Empty, it was going to take us more than a few months.” 

Something in Amara demeanor shifts and she loosen, dropping a facade. “But we have been trying. We have been wanting to assess the fallout, but Jack and I haven’t been able to see anything that has been happening in the Empty.” 

“The fallout?” Sam asks. 

Amara takes a step closer. “When Jack exploded, the Empty woke up.That is why we are here, to find out what is happening in the Empty from someone who has been there.” 

Amara image fades away and is replaced by Jack was asks, “Can I see him? Can I see Castiel?”


	6. Once In A Lifetime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“Once In A Lifetime” by Talking Heads**
> 
> _You may ask yourself, "What is that beautiful house?"  
>  You may ask yourself, "Where does that highway go to?"  
> And you may ask yourself, "Am I right? Am I wrong?"  
> And you may say to yourself, "My God! What have I done?" _

Castiel eyes the door to the outside world. This version of Sam and Dean have left the room, so he is on his own. He can make a run for it. Get away before they return. It has been painful to interact with this version of Sam and Dean and to see the concern on their faces. Somehow, experiencing kindness is now more distressing for Castiel than seeing the evil grins that haunt his dreams. He’s not sure where he is or what memories the Empty has forced him into, but if he leaves now, perhaps he can hold off on the visions turning. However, before he gets his chance, three familiar figures enter the room and Castiel holds his breath. 

One of the figures raises his hand in a familiar greeting, “Hello.” 

This illusion sounds like the Jack that Castiel knows and loves and his heart aches. While this version of Jack attempts a smile, his face looks worn and tired. There are shadows under his eyes and his movements seem to be stiff and drained of his usual exuberance. 

Castiel forces his eyes close and mutters, “You’re an illusion. I will not be fooled.” 

Jack pulls a chair next to Castiel and takes as seat. Leaning in, he consoles “I’m sorry Castiel. I can only imagine what sort of mind games the Empty has been putting you through to make you so untrusting of me. I understand that there is nothing that I can say or do to make you believe that this is not a trick. All I can say is that I’m sorry to have let you down.”

Castiel’s eyes shoot open. “Jack, you could never let me down,” but he catches himself and he looks away, back to the destructive fire. 

“I am afraid I already have and that is just another weight that I must carry.” 

With Jack’s words, Castiel’s resolve falters. “Are you alright? You seem tired. What happened?” Castiel knows that this is likely another one of the Empty’s cruel mind games but if there is a small chance that it isn’t, he can’t let Jack suffer. 

“We defeated Chuck and in doing so, Amara and I took on his power and his omnipotence. I am trying to do right by you, by all of you.” Jack looks around and Castiel follows his gaze over to Sam and Dean. “Amara and I have stepped back on Earth, to allow free will. We are rebuilding Heaven, making it the Heaven that humanity deserves. But there is still one puzzle left to solve. The Empty.” 

“The Empty?” Castiel asks. 

“Yes” Jack nods solemnly. “But you can help. Now that you are out, we want to see what is going on inside. May I?” Jack reaches a finger to touch Castiel’s forehead. Castiel gives Jack a nod and the world goes dark. 

Castiel is back in the bunker, in the kitchen with Jack, Sam and Dean, having just come back from their mission to find the Occultum. Castiel glances over to witness tears pooling in Jack’s eyes. But Castiel can see more than just pain on Jack’s face. Radiating from Jack’s core self, Castiel clearly recognizes Jack’s soul, having been restored when he returned from the Garden of Eden. 

“Please, please forgive me.” Jack cries. All the guilt from what he did when he lost his soul comes crashing down on him all at once. 

Castiel glances back to Sam and Dean, who are trying to process the complex emotional balance of losing a mother but gaining back a son. 

“Jack,” Sam resolve fails and he moves closer to place a hand on Jack’s shoulder. 

Jack takes a ragged breath and fumbles his way to standing as Sam envelops him. Through gasps, Jack begins to sob into Sam’s shoulder. 

Castiel regards Dean, who is still showing signs of apprehension. When Castiel turns back to Sam and Jack, they part from their embrace. Jack gives a soft smile but then something shifts and Jack begins to sneer. With lightning fast speed, Jack grabs a knife from the counter and plunges it into Sam’s chest. Sam lets out a gasp and a gurgle sound. Jack pulls out the knife and blood drips from the glimmering surface. With a thud, Sam hits the ground as blood pools around his lifeless form. 

“No!” Dean shouts. In a swift motion, Jack flicks the blade and a stream of blood spurt from Dean’s neck. Dean’s hands goes to his throat but the blood continues to stream like a crimson waterfall down his chest. He falls to his knees. His eyes scan to room until they land on Castiel. His mouth moves but no words are able to form. 

Castiel drops to Dean’s side and tries to heal him. But Castiel is too late, his grace too weak, and Dean is already too far gone. Dean stares up at him, pleading and reaching for his hands. Dean breathes out one final time before he fades away. Still holding Dean’s bloody hand, Castiel looks over to Sam, but the light has gone out in his eyes as well. Castiel turns to Jack, who menacingly spits out “Fool. You should have never trust me. Now you have lost everything.” 

Cradling Dean in his arms, Castiel cries, “No, no, this isn’t real, this never happened. Jack would never do this.” Castiel closes his eyes and wishes the vision away. 

Castiel’s vision swirls and he opens his eyes to see a familiar face in the now all too familiar scene of nothingness. 

“Hello Castiel,” Billie remarks. “Surprised to see me.” 

Billie sits on the throne in front of him, in the same long leather jacket she was wearing when they were both pulled into the void after Castiel summoned the Empty. 

“What..what are you doing here?” Castiel stammers out, looking around. He was under the impressions Death and the Empty weren’t on the best of terms. 

Billie slowly rises from the throne. “The Empty and I, we made a deal, or rather a mutually beneficial agreement. All the Empty wants is to go to sleep and all I want is order. So from now on, I’m in charge. The Empty gets to take a little nap. For me, in exchange for cleaning up the mess that you made, I get to deal with you as I wish.” 

Realization dawns on Castiel. “Wait, this was your plan all along?” 

Billie smirks. “You always underestimated me.” Billie stands in front of Castiel, her arms behind her back, radiating a sense of control. 

Still on his knees, Castiel looks up at her, “Me summoning the Empty, was that part of your plan?” 

Billie rolls her eyes. “Castiel, I read all the death books, I knew all the ways everything could unfold. To regain order, I needed to get us both here. I needed to be here so I could take over but I also needed you here so your deal with the Empty was fulfilled and the Empty would go back to sleep. So, I created a situation in which to get that done.” Billie tsks, “Not sure why you bought it. A bit overly dramatic, but got the job done.” 

Castiel can’t believe it. They’d always assumed that they were stuck playing Chuck’s game of Chess. But while Chuck may have been the King, they should have been watching out for the Queen, who is the true ruler of the board and the one with all the moves. Castiel eyes Death, “What is your plan now?”

“Well, your son woke everyone up. What is left for me is a waiting game. Over time, everyone that is awake here will either go back to sleep or will be expelled.”

“Expelled?”

“The Empty, it clings to the grace and the torched souls that exists here. But what it expels,” Billie takes a dramatic pause, knowing that she has Castiel as her captive audience, “human souls.” 

Castiel is confused. Why would a human soul even be in the Empty, but then he understands. “Your making everything here human. How?” 

“I’m not doing anything, I’ve always been and always will be hands off. The beings here are doing it themselves, using the same thing that you have been fight so hard for all these years, free will.” 

Billie circles around Castiel. “With free will, they have a choice, and if that choice is redemption,” Billie stops behind him and leans down to whisper in his ear, “presto, you have a new human soul.” 

Billie straightens and walks in front of Castiel. Castiel cranes his neck to look up at her and asks, “Creating new souls, doesn’t that upset your precious order?”

Billie gives him a pitying look. “Oh honey, new souls have always come from here. I’m just watching over the process, being the shepherd that I’ve always been. When a being arrives here, they fall asleep so they can relive their mistakes and atone for their sins by serving their penance. If in the end, they choose redemption, they are reborn and given new life; a second chance and a clean slate.”

Castiel lets out a breath. “Death becomes life.” 

“Now you’re getting it. The only thing that has changed is that instead of dreaming their past mistakes, all the beings here are experiencing them fully awake. The Empty talks a big game but when it comes to handling all the remorse that exists here, that much torment can be a bit much for something that would rather hide away in a dreamworld.” 

Billie looks around the empty void, like she is seeing and hearing things that Castiel can’t perceive. She sighs. “The vast amount of emotional pain here, it will take someone who has experience in guiding lost souls to clean up this mess.” 

Her face slightly softening, Billie crouches in front of Castiel. “See, I’m not the villain you make me out to be. I’m just trying to keep everything going.” 

Castiel stares deep into her eyes. “Is that your plan for me? Wipe the slate clean?” 

Billie shakes her head and her usually stern demeanor returns, “No, that would be too easy for you. I’ve got a better plan for you, a plan for your own personal Hell. I may not be a malevolent being but that doesn’t mean that I can’t get revenge. You did kill me. Twice.” 

Castiel winces, “So what is your torture for me?” 

Billie smiles, “You will just have to wait to see.” 

To his left, Castiel can sense a beacon of light coming closer and closer. He knows that presence, he can sense Dean Winchester anywhere. But this has to be a trick. Castiel doesn’t take his eyes off Billie. “You aren’t fooling me.” 

In the distance, Castiel can hear Dean’s voice call out, “Cas, can you hear me?”

But, Castiel’s eyes don’t sway and he continues to stare at Billie who is just grinning at him, like the cat who ate the canary. Castiel grits his teeth. “I’m not falling for any more of your tricks” 

“Oh, my so called tricks have just begun.” Billie goes to sit down on her throne. 

Castiel hears Dean voice again, “Cas, it’s me, Dean.”

Glaring at Billie, Castiel spits out, “You can’t fool me.”

But to his side, he hears once more, “Cas?” and he feels himself being ripped from the Empty. 

When Castiel opens his eyes, he’s back in the unfamiliar cabin. Next to him is Jack, or rather this version of Jack that wears a wary face, having taken on the literal weight of the world. Rushing over to them is Sam, slightly scruffier then Castiel remembers his version of Sam being. But Dean, the Dean that exists in this reality, the Dean that has grown out hair and a beard that Castiel has never seen before today, this version of Dean, remains frozen to his spot on the wall. 

“What just happened?” Sam asks.

Jack turns to Sam. “I got a glimpse of what was happening in the Empty.” 

Looking back at Castiel, Jack’s eyes soften and he consoles,“I am so sorry for what you have gone through.” 

Sam moves closer, sitting on the table between Jack and Castiel. “What did you see?” 

Contemplating what he has just witnessed, Jack’s brow furrows, “The Empty, it’s being run by Billie.” 

The mention of Billie breaks the spell on Dean and he speaks up. “The Empty? Run by Billie? This is bad.” He rakes a hand through his hair. 

Jack shakes his head. “Well, not necessarily.”

“What? Are you kidding me?” Dean shouts back. “Look at Cas? Does it look like things were going well there?”

Jack studies Dean and then observes Castiel. When Jack places a hand on him, a gentle warming sensation runs through Castiel’s body and his injuries begin to heal. From the corner of the room, Castiel hears Dean let out a breath he must have been holding. Jack continues, “Billie didn’t hurt Castiel, that was the Empty. If you remember, I was the one who woke everything up. Based on what I saw, it looks like Billie is bringing things back in order, which is a good thing. Billie isn’t inherently evil.”

“Not evil? She tried to kill Cas. She tried to kill me.” Dean responses, pointing at Castiel and for the first time since being in the cabin, their eyes meet. Castiel holds Dean’s gaze and something passes between them. Something familiar. Something that feels real. 

Castiel finds his voice. “She wasn’t going to kill us. It was part of her plan. She needed me to summon the Empty so it would take the both of us. That way, the Empty would go back to sleep and she could take over.” 

A wave of anguish covers Dean face but he still holds Castiel’s gaze. “So you, summoning the Empty, everything that happened, she set that up?” 

Castiel nods. 

Dean leans his back against the wall and bangs his head against the hard surface. Closing his eyes, he murmurs to himself. “Just once, I wanted something to be real. To be our choice and no one else’s. So much for free will.”

Jack interrupts, “But I think that is what she is doing. Allowing free will. She is cutting the Empty off from Heaven and Hell’s control, making the Empty a neutral territory and allowing beings in the Empty to be redeemed and become human.”

“Human?” Dean scoffs. 

Jack turns to Dean, “Yes, that seems to be her plan.” 

Realization dawns on Dean. “Does that mean she made Cas human?”

Jack tilts his head. “Well, she didn’t make Castiel human. You did, when you pulled him from the Empty.”

Jack’s revelations is a bomb and everyone in the room is left in the fallout, causing an eerie silence to descend. 

Sam is the first to speak, “Cas is human?” 

Dean, still plastered to the wall, musters out, “Cas… I didn’t know.” And silence envelops the room again. 

Finding his strength, Dean breaks free from what has been holding him back and he walks up to Jack, “Can you make him an angel again?” 

Pain coats Jack’s voice. “I don’t think it is wise. Breaking a new soul, I don’t know what that will do.”

“Cas, he has a soul?” Dean asks, as his voice slightly cracks at the second revelation. 

Jack nods. 

Dean continues, “And he does’t have any powers?”

Jack nods again.

Dean takes a breath. “And he will die?”

Jack nods for a third time. “Yes, eventually, like you will as well.” Jack looks at his family, “I am sorry, I wish that there was more that I could do.”

Castiel reassures Jack. “Jack, this isn’t your fault.”

“Maybe not directly, but it is still a burden that I must carry. I can only hope that your pain will pass soon.” 

Jack glances off to the side, hearing something that none of the others can. “I must go. I wish I could stay but for now I have done all that I can do. Goodbye.” 

And with that, Jack is gone. 

With Jack’s sudden departure, the room plunges back into tense silence and Castiel is left confused and frustrated. He thinks this must have been how Sam and Dean felt all those years when all his answers only left them with more questions, leaving them powerless and alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter, I just really liked the idea that it was Billie plan all along to end up in the Empty to take over. It is too perfect that she knew that she needed to create the confession between Cas and Dean in order to set things right (in more ways than one in my opinion, *winky face*). To me, she’s always trying to put things in order and the Empty was a bit of a mess when we last saw it (another loose end that was irritated me). I also love the idea that she is a Shepard for lost soul and that the Empty is where soul come from because that hasn’t ever been explained. IDK, I just never saw Billie as evil, she is just trying to keep order, so I don’t think she earned a villain’s ending. So yeah, Queen deserves a throne, so I gave her one.


	7. Ain’t No Sunshine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“Ain’t No Sunshine” by Bill Withers**
> 
> _Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
>  It's not warm when she's away  
> Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
> And she's always gone too long  
> Anytime she's goes away_
> 
> _Wonder this time where she's gone  
>  Wonder if she's gone to stay  
> Ain't no sunshine when she's gone  
> And this house just ain't no home  
> Anytime she goes away _

Dean heads into the kitchen so he can find some space to think. There must be something he can do. There must be some way he can make this right. He sets about preparing PB&Js, an easy to make meal that will keep his hands moving and prevent his mind from spiraling. 

_Cas is human._

_Cas has a soul._

_Cas is a human with a soul._

But Cas hadn’t chosen to fall. This wasn’t his choice. Dean’s own selfish decision to save Cas has stripped Cas of everything. It is clear now why Cas can’t looks at him. Through his now human eyes, Cas is finally seeing Dean for who he truly is, a selfish asshole. Dean has damned Cas to a human life because why? Because Dean is sad and lonely? A wave of nausea rolls through Dean. Because of him, Cas is now mortal and he will die. Cas will die because of what he has done. The thought rolls through Dean’s mind again. Cas will die. With more force than necessary, Dean takes the knife and cuts the sandwiches diagonally. Slowly, Dean sets down the knife and he takes three slow deep breaths. Having finally composed himself, Dean rejoins Sam and Cas in the living room. 

Dean hands a sandwich to Sam. Taking the offering, Sam asks, “What’s the plan?”

Hoping that Cas still has an affinity for peanut butter, Dean hands Castiel a plate and questions. “What do you want Cas?” 

Cas eyes the plate with unease and sets it down on the table. “I want to leave. I can’t be here.” 

When Dean was 22 years old, he worked a job in Tampa with his Dad taking down one nasty shapeshifter. The job was messy, their intel was bad and when everything went sideways, Dean ended up in a back ally with a stab wound to his shoulder after finding the mangled bodies of three dead kids he hadn’t been able to save. His injury required fourteen stitches and he had felt the needle go in on each stitch his father made. Over the years, he had endured all sorts of physical pain but that moment always stood out. With each new trauma, Dean would remind himself, you survived Tampa, you can survive this. But the pain he felt then paled in comparison to what Dean feels now. 

Dean tries to find his voice. “What do you mean Cas?” 

Cas firmly reiterates. “I don’t belong here. I need to go.” 

Sam puts the plate with his half eaten sandwich down on the table. “Cas, what you have been saying to us, to Jack… you know that this is real right? You know you escaped the Empty? As someone who has had trouble telling what is real in the past, I know how dangerous buying into the illusion can be.” 

“I’m fine. I can comprehend what is going on now. Jack wouldn’t have left if I was a danger to myself or others.” Cas shifts uneasily on the couch. “But I need to go.” 

Sam huffs, “Cas, we can’t just let you leave.”

But Dean interrupts, “Where would you go?”

Sam shoots Dean a look of disbelief, and mouths, _“Are you serious?”_

Cas stands like he is ready to leave. “I have contacts from our hunts. I can stay with one of them while I sort out what to do next.” 

Dean mustered up the strength to nod, “If that is what you feel you need to do.”

Dean knows he has to let Cas go. Because, in the end, that is what always happens, everyone in Dean’s life leaves him. During his childhood, his father abandoned him for weeks at a time without any notice or explanation. Sam left the family business to go to college as well as a few other times over the years to escape the hunting life. Even Cas was always disappearing, a constant rotations of come in and out of Dean’s life, departing with no guarantee of his return. So Dean learned to push people away. It’s safer that way. In rare cases, when someone weaseled their way in past his defenses, Dean desperately clings onto them, refusing to let them go. The problem is, he often holds on too tightly and the relationships he somehow manages to form eventually suffocates. That was what happened with his Mother. Pulling her in close had driven her away. So Dean will have to let Cas go before he destroys them both. Max’s voice loops in Dean’s mind. 

_“Be careful Dean. If what comes back isn’t the same Castiel, you know what you have to do. Losing him a second time will be even harder than the first.”_

Dean retreats to his bedroom and grabs his duffle. The duffle had sat unused for months in the corner of his closet, no longer in constant use because he wasn’t living on the road. He had found a home and he couldn’t deny Cas finding his own, even if it wasn’t with him. Not that Dean ever expected Cas to want to build a home with him. Dean hadn’t been that naive or sentimental. That reality was never possible. No, this was how it has always been, Cas coming into Dean’s life, only to leave again. Cas becoming human hasn’t changed that narrative. What Dean didn’t understand was why this time was hitting him so hard. He was use to Cas leaving, so why did this time hurt so much more than the rest? Resigned, Dean grabs an assortment of clothes and begins packing away supplies Cas will need to start a new life. 

Still struggling to hold everything together, Dean tries not to think about why Cas is leaving. Cas didn’t have some greater mission in Heaven that needs his attention. Cas isn’t being pulled away to save the world. Cas is leaving because he can’t be around Dean anymore, because of what Dean has done. Touching Castiel in the Empty, Dean crossed a boundary that shouldn’t have been crossed and he was now the reason that Cas fell. As Hesters said all those years ago, the very touch of him corrupts and now Cas is lost. 

Dean returns to the front of the cabin and places the duffle on the kitchen table, a midway point between the spare bedroom and the front door. Hunched next to Cas on the couch, Sam is trying to convince Cas to stay. But the stern look on Cas' face is a clear sign that his resolve hasn’t budged. 

Sam shrugs and walks away, giving Dean and Cas space.

Tentatively, Dean sits across from Cas. In a quiet voice, Dean asks, “Cas?” 

Dean waits for Cas to look at him. Why won’t he just look at him? But when Cas doesn’t meet his eyes, Dean decides to continue. “Cas, I want you to know, that if you want to stay, you have a place, for as long as you want or need. You can stay here or if that doesn’t work, you can stay at the bunker with Sam and Eileen. Whatever you need, we’re here for you because you’re family.” 

Dean tries to gauge Cas' state of mind. Does the very site of the Winchesters remind Cas of everything that he has given up for them? Cas had nothing to show for his sacrifice, his very essence had been stripped from him and it was all Dean’s fault. Dean had broken them. Burning the mixtape had destroyed every last bond that had tied them together.

Drawing in a deep breath, Dean continues. “Cas, I can’t force you to stay if you don’t want to be here. So if you want to go, I won’t stop you. There are some clothes in the duffle, some extra cash to help you get established, wherever that might be. I put in your old IDs and one of Sam’s burner phone so you can call us if you need anything and I mean anything.” Dean reaches into his pocket and pulls out a key, “And here is the key to your truck. You can leave whenever you want, if that is your choice. But know, you have a place here, if that is what you want.” 

Dean hands over the key to Cas who reaches out and takes it. The cushions on the couch shift as Cas gets up and walks over to the doorway. 

“Cas?” Sam calls from the kitchen. 

Cas turns to Sam. “Thank you Sam for everything you have done for me.” Cas picks up the duffle and with his hand on the doorknob and his back to the brothers, Cas says over his shoulder, “Goodbye Dean.” 

Cas opens the door and leaves. From inside, Dean can hear Cas' truck engine turn over and the sound of tires crunching along the dirt road leading away from the cabin. The storm finally comes and the rain begins to falls as Dean walks to the window to watch the truck’s taillights fade out into the distance. And just like that, Cas is gone. 

Unable to hold in his emotions any longer, Dean stumbles to the kitchen and collapses on the floor. Sam runs to his side and without hesitating, Sam holds him. Dean tries to pull himself together but the sobs keep coming, heaving through him like the waves of a tsunami. He doesn’t want to let himself break, especially not in front of his brother. Dean tries to escape Sam’s grip but Sam just wraps around him tighter and so, despite his efforts, Dean breaks. Everything he has been feeling since Cas died, everything he has been pressing down and holding back, comes rushing out. He’s suppose to be strong, he’s suppose to be the one who keeps it all together. But he shatters, into a million pieces, scatter across the linoleum floor. The only other time that he can think of being so broken, an angel came to save him from Hell. But there are no more angels who can save him now, so he falls apart, not knowing if there will ever be a way to be pieced back together again.


	8. Lack of Color

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“Lack of Color” by Death Cab for Cutie**
> 
> _This is fact not fiction  
>  For the first time in years_
> 
> _All the girls in every gillie magazine  
>  Can't make me feel any less alone  
> I'm reaching for the phone _
> 
> _To call at 7:03 and on your machine  
>  I slur a plea for you to come home_
> 
> _But I know it's too late  
>  And I should have given you a reason to stay  
> Given you a reason to stay  
> Given you a reason to stay  
> Given you a reason to stay _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: *Heads up, there is a f bomb in this section

The wind rushing in through the open window of his truck reminds Castiel of flying, like the way the air would lift his wings, ripplingly through layer of feathers and push him up higher towards the Heavens. Flight was created so the angels could get from one place to the other quickly and efficiently, to better serve God’s creatures on Earth. But Castiel had always found flight enjoyable. Beyond a means of transportation, flying let him get lost in the moment and exist outside of time and space. And yet, as much as he took pleasure in flight, nothing compared to the contentment he felt sitting in the back seat of the Impala, listening the Winchesters brothers ramble on about some piece of popular culture that he did not understand while he watched the slowly passing scenery. Sure, angel wings were faster than a vehicle built in the previous century, but riding with the Winchesters, it wasn’t about how quickly they could get to the destination, it was about the journey. So perhaps he was always meant to disobey, falling because he wasn’t the obedient soldier he was created to be, constantly out of steps with his brothers and sisters and finding pleasure in a life that was never meant to be his. In the end, he was the angel with the crack in his chassis, the one who broke the system because he had the audacity to love. 

Castiel turns onto the highway and picks up speed. The wind intensifies and the noise becomes too much. The feeling of flying now feels like falling and becomes too raw and too painful. Castiel cranks the window up. Rain drops start splattering on his windshield from the storm he has been trying to out run since he left the Winchesters behind. 

Castiel has been driving for hours with no real destination. He just knows he needs to leave Kansas. There is a danger in being there, in being so close to the Winchesters and in particular, being so close to Dean. Castiel mentally prepares himself for Billie to twist this reality, to use the Winchesters against him yet again. What he is experiencing can’t be real, because in what world would Dean have brought him back from the Empty to only ask him to leave again. Dean, who had always called Castiel family, had packed up a bag and said he was free to go.

_But, what if this is real? What if he is human? What if he do have a soul?_

That would explain why he wasn’t able to heal himself and why everything feels so strange. With his grace, he is usually able to sense all living creatures. But now, everything is quiet but somehow loud in a different way. He can’t hear the moments of an insects wings but the tense silence in the cabin with Sam and Dean had been deafening. He feels overstimulated and overwhelmed, forcing him to get away from the brothers because being around them is suddenly too much. Looking at Sam, he experiences the compressive guilt of all the ways he had hurt him over the years. Being around Dean is worst. As an angel, he could hear Dean’s prayers and sense his state of mind. Instinctively, he could discern if Dean was hurt or needed him. But now, that connection is cut. He can no longer tell what Dean needs or wants. But then maybe he never could. Now no longer an angel, Castiel was unable to help the Winchesters and had become a useless burden. So Castiel left, because what else was there left for him to do? 

Castiel turns up the volume on the radio, because something he has learned from his time on Earth is the power of distraction. He reaches into the glove compartment to find the mixtape that is a symbol of better times but the tape is no longer there. Castiel starts to panic as he fumbles through the mess of papers but he eventually accepts that the mixtape is gone. Yet another tie to Dean that no longer exists. 

As the day light fades and the stars appear in the sky, Castiel begins to feel the weight in his body, the heavy feeling in his bones that he remembers from the first time he lost his grace. He must rest. Spotting a gas station on the next exit, Castiel pull in the nearly empty lot. After getting a cup of coffee and a lukewarm burrito, he sits in the driver seat trying to make a plan. He takes out a map to study the roads. 

The air in his truck is chilled, so Castiel puts on the leather jacket he found in the duffle that Dean had packed. The jacket is loose on Castiel and undoubtably is still too big for Dean as well. Dean hasn’t worn the jacket in over a decade and Castiel hadn’t realized that Dean still owned it. Castiel thinks it had likely been banished to the far corner of Dean's closet, having outlived its usefulness but still holding some amount of sentimental value. Perhaps that was why Dean gave it to him. Castiel’s leaving became an excuse for Dean to remove the jacket from his life. 

Despite the caffeine, Castiel knows he needs rest. Even though he fights to keep his eyes open, focusing on the roads of the map, he eventually succumbs to sleep.

The next days float by in a slow drifting of scenery that pass by his driver side window. His daily routine repeats. He wakes, expecting to find himself back in the Empty. When he realizes he is still in this reality, he drives with nowhere specific in mind, only stopping when the duties of his new human condition call for it. His routes are aimless but his path keeps circling around to Lebanon, like he is being drawn back against his better judgement.

Castiel ignores the incoming texts he receives. _Do you need anything? R U safe? R U still alive?_ The messages are a painful reminder of the prayers he use to hear. Dean’s first prayers had been formal and awkward. Having never before felt he could ask for what he needed or wanted, the prayers were a jumble of mumbled pleas and vulnerable requests. Overtime, the formality had faded and Dean’s prayers became more of a one side conversation that were left open for Castiel’s response. Dean started to speak in a way that he couldn’t when they were face to face. But now, Castiel can’t hear Dean’s prayers. Everything is silent and confusing. Castiel squeezes his eyes close and he turns off his phone, not needing the distraction.

Castiel stops at an indistinguishable rest stop and fills up on weak coffee and cheap diner food. The cash Dean gave him is dwindling as the requirements of being mortal are more expensive than Castiel remembers. Castiel knows that he shouldn’t be so aimless and he needs a plan. He contemplates praying to Jack for guidance but thinks better of it, not wanting to become yet another burden on Jack, who has already taken on too much responsibilities. Jack is still so young, but that night in the cabin, Jack had looked much older and so weighed down. No longer an angel, Castiel can’t help Jack with the load that he must carry. Jack was now lost to Castiel, yet another cord to this world severed while Castiel was in the Empty. So instead of praying to Jack, Castiel points his truck towards Rexford, Idaho, thinking he had made a life for himself there when he lost his grace before, perhaps he can do so again.

The soundtrack to his drive is the rain that has plagued him since leaving Kansas and as he draws closure to Rexford, the memories of the last time he was without grace come flooding back to him. He had been on this road before, but on a bus, not in his truck. His first trip here, he had been heartbroken and alone, having been turned away from the bunker, thinking that his lack of grace made him a burden on the brothers. Later, Dean had said that it was because Gadreel had threaten to leave Sam to die if Castiel had stay. But, a part of Castiel always wondered if his first instinct had been right. As a human, he no longer served a purpose in the Winchesters’ lives and here he was, human again and once again cast out. Yes, Dean had said that Castiel could stay if he wanted, but the packed bag was a sign that he wasn’t welcome. The brothers hadn’t even brought him back to the bunker, but rather an unfamiliar cabin, not even letting Castiel cross the threshold of the place they call home. Doubt had slithered into Castiel’s mind, infecting all his memories and upending his beliefs, making him question every interaction and every moment, leaving him wondering if anything had been real. 

In Rexford, Castiel drives down once familiar streets. He had learned so much about the world here. Over millenniums, he had observed the evolution of man, but he hadn’t truly understood the human experience until he lost his grace. Without his powers, he had witnessed true compassion first hand. Humanities greatness was in the actions of everyday people who could save the world through small gestures of generosity and kindness, creating an avalanche of love, one snowflake at a time. As an angel, he had always loved humanity, but it wasn’t until he lost his grace that he realized the depths of that love. 

Castiel drives to the Gas-N-Sip where he use to work and live. Parking across the street, he watches the comings and going for hours and remembers the meditative monotony of the work. He remembers the smell of burned nacho cheese and the whirling sound of the icy machines. When night comes, he parks his car on the outskirts of town and falls asleep after midnight. When he wakes the next day to find a voice message from an unknown number, against his better judgment, he presses play. 

“Cas…” Castiel’s gut drops when he hears Dean’s voice. 

“Cas… Where are you? Please… Please tell me that you are ok.” Dean’s voice sounds vulnerable and pleading. From the pauses and stammers in Dean’s speech, Castiel can tell Dean is intoxicated, the alcohol loosening his tongue and inhibitions. 

“I messed up Cas, so many times. I hurt you like I hurt everyone who gets close to me. I’m p-poison…” Castiel feels the blood rush to his head and he has to focus on breathing, something he is not use to having to do. 

“I shouldn’t be calling you… You need space and I’m trying to give you that. But it’s hard. I…. I miss you.” There is a long pause and Castiel thinks that maybe Dean has forgotten to hang up the phone, but then he hears a pained chuckle. “I really shouldn’t be calling you after I’ve been drinking. Fuck, I’ve been doing so good and then… and then you left and now I’ve got to start all over. I…I don’t want to start all over. Not again.” 

“Cas,” Dean breaths into the phone. “Please… just tell me that you’re alright and I’ll let you go. I just need to know that you’re safe.” And with that the voice mail ends. Cas looks down at his phone. He replays the message again, listening for anything that he might have missed the first time. He replays the message so many times that when he fall asleep, he can still hear Dean voice on loop in his head. 

Castiel spends the next few days driving around town, tracing his old steps. He thought he would be recognized but no one seems to remember him. He had been a ghost then and perhaps he is a ghost now, yet another forgettable face in the crowd. 

On his third day in town, he decides to splurge on a large dinner at the local diner that will buy him time he can sit in the restaurant out of the cold. Castiel is leaning against the bench seat, nursing his second refill of coffee when he sees her. Claire storms in to the diner, followed closely by Kaia. Without meaning to, Castiel finds himself standing up. Claire’s blue eyes scan the diner and then lock on him. With raw, unbridled emotion, Claire runs to him and wraps her arms around him, burying her face in his chest. 

“You’re alive. We were all so worried.” She mumbles into his chest. Instinctually, Castiel wraps his arms around her. Kaia stands awkwardly next to the pair and eventually they all sit at the table as Kaia signals for two more coffees. 

Castiel observes the two young women sitting across from him. Claire, trying so hard to regain her composure and Kaia, holding Claire’s hand, providing a quiet support. 

Castiel clears his throat. “How did you find me?” 

Suddenly looking guilty, Claire responses, “Sam put a trace on your phone. We were all worried about you. Sam thought it might be easier for you to see us. He said you wouldn’t want to see them.” Claire pauses to lean in closer. “What happened?” 

Unsure of what he should say, Castiel takes a slow sip of coffee. 

Kaia reaches her hand across the table and places it over Castiel’s. “It’s hard. Adjusting to life after going through hell.” 

Castiel corrects her, “I wasn’t in Hell, I was in the Empty” 

“Close enough.” 

The waitress comes by with the coffees. Kaia nods a thanks and after the waitress leaves, she withdraws her hand from Castiel’s as she says, “You don’t have to feel grateful.” 

Castiel’s head shoots up and Claire looks at Kaia in a stunned expression. 

Kaia straightens and continues, “About come back. You don’t have to feel grateful. You don’t have to feel anything. You have every right to feel or not feel whatever it is that you are feeling. You can be sad, happy, pissed off, joyous, numb, or confused. Whatever it is that you are feeling, those feelings are valid.” 

Kaia wraps her hand around her coffee but Castiel can see her fingers tap the mug nervously. When she notices that he sees her tapping, she places her hands in her lap before continuing. “When I came back, I felt them all.” 

Claire turns to her, “Kaia, you don’t have to talk about it. I know it can be painful,” 

Kaia interrupts, “It’s ok. I’ve learned that I have to talk about it. And honestly, how many people can I talk to who understand what I went through?”

Kaia raises the mug to her face, just enough to breath in the aroma before setting the mug back down. “The worst feeling was fear. I knew it wasn’t rational, but I was so scared that at any moment, that tear in our world would rip open and I was going to end up back there, back in the Bad Place. For me, the fear is what makes it so hard to move on. How are you supposes to move on when you are still so deep in it? It’s like trying to forget about water while you are still drowning.”

Castiel studies the women before him, a person who has lived through true horrors but had the strength to survive and go on to create a life of her own. She is clearly wise beyond her years, so he asks, “How did you move on?”

“For the longest time I couldn’t.” Both Kaia and Claire share pointed glances before Kaia continues, “But then I finally got up the courage to ask for help. Jack put me in contact with a counselor he met during a case, Mia Vallens. She’s knows what actually goes bump in the night, if you get what I’m saying, so she understood my unique case. She’s taught me how to ground myself. But it takes time and it isn’t always easy. Honestly, I haven’t completely moved on, but I’m getting there.”

Kaia takes out her phone and starts typing. A few seconds later, Castiel’s phone dings and Mia Vallens contact information pops up on his screen. He looks up and Kaia gives him a small smile. 

Eventually, they finish their coffees and Claire signals the waitress for the bill and she pays for the table. 

Castiel shifts nervously, not wanting to leave the warm comfort of the diner, but Kaia and Claire ask if he will come back with them to their hotel. They are working a potential case in the area and are wondering if he could help with translating some of the strange writings found at one of the crime scenes. When they arrive at the hotel, Castiel is able to quickly translate the script but is further relieved when they ask him to stay the night in case they come across any more text tomorrow morning. The room has two doubles and as Claire says with a blush, “We don’t need both beds." 

Castiel sits down on the soft bed, a comfortable bed yet another human luxury he had taken for granted during all the millennia he hadn’t such necessities. He resolves that he will just lay down for a little while, just to rest for a moment. But when he closes his eyes, he gives into sleep. 

Awhile later, coming out of a dreamless sleep, Castiel hears Claire’s talking into the phone. 

“Hey, we found him.” She whispers. 

There is silence and Castiel assumes the person on the other line is talking. 

“Honestly, he doesn’t look good. But he is with us now and he is safe.” In an even quieter voice she says “Dean, I’m worried.” 

The mention of Dean’s name makes Castiel take a sharp inhale but Claire doesn’t seem to notice. 

She continues the call in a hushed voice. “He needs you, he won’t say it but I can tell. Please, just get here as soon as you can.” 

Castiel knows that he should get up to leave. Dean could be coming here now and Castiel isn’t sure if he can see him, not yet. But Castiel is too tired to move. His limbs are too heavy to lift. He tells himself just a few minutes more, he can stay here for awhile longer and then he will leave. But sleep takes him over once again.


	9. Orange Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“Orange Sky” by Alexi Murdoch**
> 
> _I said, brother, you know, you know  
>  It's a long road we've been walking on  
> Yes it is, yes it is, you know  
> Brother it is  
> Such a long road we've been walking on_  
>    
> _Oh, but you know I am so weary  
>  And you know, my heart  
> My heart's been broken now  
> Sometimes, sometimes  
> My mind is too strong to carry on  
> Too strong, too strong to carry on _

Sitting in the passage seat of the Impala, Sam studies Dean. Sam can see the tension in Dean’s jaw and the whites of Dean’s knuckles as he grips tight on the steering wheel. After hearing from Claire, Dean drove straight over to the bunker to drop off Miracle and ask Sam what the hell was going on. Dean had promised that after Cas left, he would give Cas space, because, if space was what Cas needed, that was what Dean would give him. But that hadn’t sat right with Sam. The way that Cas had looked, Sam knew the look of someone living with their own demons. So Sam had tracked Cas' phone and asked Claire if she could check in on him. Based on Dean’s reaction to Claire’s phone call, it had been the right call. 

Dean clears his throat, “So, where was he?” 

“What do you mean?” Sam says, startled by the first time Dean has said anything since they left the bunker two hours ago.  
Dean glances over to Sam and then fixes his stare back on the road. “Where was Cas going before he went back to Rexford?”

Sam knows he has to proceed with caution but he owes Dean the truth.“He was all over the place. It was kind of strange.”

Dean’s brow furrows but he keeps staring ahead at the road that is slick with the rain that has been pouring nearly constantly for the past week. “In what way?”

“He kept getting close to Lebanon, but then he would take off again. A few days ago, he drove to Rexford and hung around. I figured he might have found something, so I asked Claire to drop in.”

Dean gives a quick nod. 

Growing up, Sam depended on Dean for everything. Whatever Sam needed, Dean would find a way to get it. So it was no surprise to Sam that over the years, Dean always selflessly push aside his own needs for the needs of others. It was what Dean had alway done and Dean did it so instinctually, that Sam didn’t even question what Dean actually needed. Burgers, beer and bacon, that is what Sam thought for years were Dean’s only requirements for happiness. It was only after that night on the kitchen floor that Sam realized what Dean actually needed and how much he was hurting. That night, the roles had reversed after so many years and it was Sam who held his brother while he cried. Desperately, Dean kept trying to pull himself together, but he was unable to close the flood gates once they opened. The whole scene had frightened Sam. Even after everything the brothers have faced over the years, Sam had never seen Dean so broken. Sam knew now that the only thing that had keep Dean going after Cas’ death was the idea that he could save him, but when Cas voluntarily left, Dean shattered. While Sam had always had suspicions on how his brother felt for the angel, everything had been made clear. Sam didn’t need Dean to say out loud how he felt about Cas because his actions spoke louder than the words Sam knew Dean had trouble saying. 

Sam clears his throat, “I’m sure Cas is fine and Claire is just being precautious.” 

Dean shifts in his seat, “Yeah, of course. I mean, it’s Cas. He can handle himself.”

Sam knows Dean is trying to hide his feeling again, so he turns his head to face Dean and he takes a deep breath. “Dean, you know I’m here if you ever need to talk, about anything.” 

Dean rolls his eyes and waves his hand, “Nope. No. No thank you. We are not talking about that. Not right now. Probably not ever.” 

Sam lets out an exasperated sigh, “I know, but if you ever want to talk about it, or about anything, know that I am here.” 

Dean swivels his head to face Sam and he places a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “I know Sammy.” 

Dean removes his hand from Sam’s shoulder to turn up the radio to drown out the words that he’s not yet ready to say. Sam can read Dean’s tells and knows that Dean isn’t ready to talk and their conversation has ended before it even started. But Sam needs to talk. He wants to better understand what is going on in Dean’s mind. He wants to be there for his brother like his brother has been there for him. Though it’s the middle of the night and he should be resting up for his driving shifting, Sam is too restless to sleep. He decides to counts billboards as a way to relax, an old trick that he had learned growing up on the road. So he is shocked that after only the fourth Cracker Barrel sign, Dean is ready to say something. 

Dean turns down the radio and his voice cuts through the silence in the car, “Do you think Dante knew what would have happen if he had touched Beatrice in the Empty?”

Sam continues to looks out the passenger side window, knowing that making eye contact with Dean might make him put up his defenses again, “I wouldn’t think so. Dante never mentioned anything about it in his journal.”

Dean’s thumbs tap out an unsteady rhythm again the steering wheel, “But he had to have known right? I was stupid for not thinking of it before but it makes sense. A person can’t touch the divine without corrupting it.” 

Sam’s face snaps to his brother’s, “Dean, you didn’t corrupt Cas.” 

“If I didn’t corrupt him, then what did I do? Sam, I crossed a line and I broke Castiel. I took something so powerful and so extraordinary and I destroyed it because... because that is what I do.” 

Sam can sense that Dean is starting to spiral as Dean’s hands grip tighter on the steering wheel, as if holding on to Baby will stop him from falling apart. Sam consoles, “We just need to talk to Cas. It may be tough for awhile, but he’ll adjust to being human. He’s done it before and he can do it again. Everything will be fine.” 

Dean scoffs, “Everything won’t be fine. You said it before, with magic there is always a price to be paid. But I thought it was a price I would have to pay and not Cas.” 

The drizzle of rain that has been sprinkling the Impala’s windshield has now picked up and the spattering of heavy rain drops obscure the view of the road ahead. With more force than necessary, Dean flicks on the windshield wipers and the blades swipe rapidly, flicking off beads of rain. Dean takes a deep breath before he can continue, “I should have been able to let him go. I should have left him in the Empty where he belonged.” 

Sam brow furrows before he can respond, “I know I had my reservations before and we don’t know exactly what happened in the Empty, but based on how Cas looked when he came back, I doubt Cas would have found peace there. You made the right call.” 

In a quieter than normal voice, Dean says, “If what I did was right, then why did Cas leave?” 

Sam replies gently, “Dean, why didn’t you ask him to stay?”

Dean’s lip flinches and he growls out, “You saw his face. He couldn’t even look at me. I had to let him go because I can’t keep trying to control everyone. He deserved the right to choose and clearly he chose to go rather than to stay.”

With Dean’s reply, Sam see something that he hasn’t seen in Dean in months. Anger. But his anger isn’t directed at Cas. No, Dean’s anger is directed entirely inward. Has Dean always hated himself this much? How had Sam have never noticed it before? Since that night on the kitchen floor, everything has been clicking into place as memories play in Sam’s mind now with new clarity. Sam doesn’t want to admit it, but for a moment, he hates Cas. Sam can see the pain painted on Dean’s face and outrage flares in Sam chest as he looks for someone to blame. Yes, Cas has become his family, but for a moment, Sam forgets this. Sam forgets that Cas was an angel who defined his own brothers and sisters to not only save Sam and Dean but also humanity. Sam forgets everything Cas has sacrificed to make the world a better place. Sam forgets all of these things because for a moment, Cas is just the person that broke his brother’s heart and Sam hates him for that.

Sam takes a deep breath and turns back to the passenger side window. He goes back to counting billboard in hopes that the anger will soon pass and he can forgive the former angel. Sam knows that none of this was Dean or Cas’s fault. In the end, not even Chuck had control over matters of the heart. Sam is realizing that Dean had fallen but the question remained if he had fallen alone.


	10. Losing My Religion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Losing My Religion” by R.E.M
> 
> _Oh life, is bigger  
>  It's bigger than you  
> And you are not me  
> The lengths that I will go to  
> The distance in your eyes  
> Oh no I've said too much  
> I set it up_
> 
> _That's me in the corner  
>  That's me in the spot-light  
> Losing my religion  
> Trying to keep up with you  
> And I don't know if I can do it  
> Oh no I've said too much  
> I haven't said enough _

Castiel finally wakes from his deep sleep when the hotel room is filled with the smell of coffee and warm baked goods. He cracked open one eye and spies Kaia and Claire sitting around the small table at the side of the room. There are whispering together and Kaia let out a laugh and Claire hushes her while trying to maintain her own composure. 

“So that’s how you got that scar?” Kaia presses a finger to the small scar on Claire’s right eyebrow. “Because you hesitated with the salt?”

Claire responses defensively, “All I had was that fancy pink kind. Do you know how expensive that stuff can get?” 

Kaia chuckles. “Very practical.Totally reasonable response.”

“Shut up.” Claire huffs and she steals a piece of toast off of Kaia’s plate. “I am taking this as payment for emotional damages.” 

Castiel didn’t want to interrupt this moment but Kaia looks over and see that he is awake. She straightens and greets him, “Good morning Castiel.” 

Castiel works his way up to lean against the headboard. “Good morning Kaia, Good morning Claire.”

“You hungry?” Claire asks as she takes a container out of a To-Go bag with the label “Sweetheart’s Bakery and Cafe” written across the front in curvy script. “We got you some breakfast.” 

Castiel nods and walks over to the table to grab the container. “What time is it?” 

Kaia looks down at her cellphone. “Almost ten.” 

“Ten.” Castiel sputters out as he sits down on the edge of the bed and opens up the container. He’d sleep over fourteen hours. But from the way his body feels now versus how it had felt yesterday or really, ever since he came back from the Empty, he realizes how much he had needed the rest. He needs to take better care of himself and he needs to be more caring to this body that over the years he has come to think of as his own. The wonderful aroma of a hot breakfast overwhelms his senses and his mouth begins to water, the sight of fluffy eggs, crisp bacon and a buttery croissant making his stomach growl. Castiel takes a bite of the bacon and is nearly floored by the flavors. 

Sensing how much Castiel is enjoying the food, Claire laughs. “Pretty good huh? Try the croissant, it is too die for. Kaia always finds the best places to eat wherever we are on the road.”

Castiel continues to eat his breakfast, trying his best to not shovel the food greedily into his mouth, as he is still not accustomed to having to satiate hunger. Between mouthfuls, he asks, “What’s your plan for the day?”

Kaia moves her plate off the table and pulls her laptop from her backpack. “Research. Using your translations from last night, we are now officially on the case here.” 

Castiel nods and finishes his meal while Claire and Kaia work in companionable silence. He remembers this feeling, the feeling of being well rested and well feed. But more than that, he remembers what it is like to be in the presence of friends. Things that shouldn’t matter to an angel, now are necessities to him as a human. When Castiel finishes his meal, he sits uneasily, wondering what to do next. He eyes the bathroom, recalling the pleasures of hot showers and the sensation of being clean.

“Can I, can I use your shower?” Castiel asks almost embarrassed, having already intruded on their hospitality. 

“Thanks God, I thought you would never asked.” Claire lets out in a huff and Kaia elbows her. 

“What Claire is trying to say,” Kaia glares at Claire, “is now that you are human, some certain habits are necessary.” 

“Like hygiene.” Castiel states and he smells himself, taking in the ripe stench that comes from living out of his car for over a week. “I understand.” 

Grabbing the duffle that he brought, Castiel heads in the bathroom. Turning on the shower, the small bathroom quickly fills up with steam. Castiel strips and stands under the shower head, letting the hot water work through his tense muscles. He lathers up with the body wash left by Kaia or Claire and he takes in the floral scent. Eventually, when his fingers start to prune, he reluctantly turns off the shower and dries off. 

Castiel wipes the steam off of the mirror and studying his reflection, he wonders if he looks any different now that he lost his grace and conversely, now that he has a soul? Rubbing a hand across his face, he feels the stubble. He reaches back into the duffle and goes through the items that Dean had packed for him. He brushes his teeth and shaves, only nicking himself twice due to being out of practice. He pulls on a clean pair of jeans and a T-shirt with Motörhead written across the front. Feeling somehow naked without his trench coat, he shrugs on Dean’s old leather jacket as a temporary replacement. 

Looking down at his cellphone, he wonders how much time he has before he has to leave. Claire's pleas last night were a cry for help and the Winchesters were never ones to ignore the call from someone in need. Dean is coming to Rexford, that Castiel is sure of. But Castiel isn’t ready to face him, at least not yet. Because, perhaps there is a small chance that everything Castiel is experience is real, that he really did escape the Empty. If that is true, he will have to face the consequences of what he said to Dean. Castiel had told Dean he loved him. That night in the bunker, Castiel had listing off everything about Dean that made him the most beautiful soul in the universe, leaving no room for Dean to misinterpreted the meaning behind his confession. Castiel groans realizing what he has done.

Once so sure of where he stood with the Winchesters, Castiel is now uncertain. Castiel sorts through his memories to try to differentiate what is real and what is the false narrative planted by the Empty. Restorative sleep and a hardy meal have given Castiel more clarity to his situation but Castiel still has doubts. Perhaps the reason why he wasn’t welcomed back into the bunker with the Winchesters is because Castiel now makes Dean uncomfortable. Despite his own self loathing, Castiel knows deep down in his newly formed soul that Dean would never intentionally hurt him. As Dean has said countless times, he considers the angel his brother. That is what Castiel needs to keep reminding himself, Dean thinks of him as a brother. Maybe that is why Dean brought Castiel to an isolated cabin. Because Castiel was now no longer useful to them on hunts, the cabin was a safe place for him to stay that was far enough away to allow the time and space they need to work through the awkwardness that is sure to be a new fixture in their relationship. The awkwardness cause by what Castiel had said, which, thinking back on it, had been too much. The words Castiel spoke were fine as a final good bye. They were words to be expressed as a send off with no intention of ever needing a reciprocation or a reply. But now that Castiel is back, their weight is too heavy. The words spoken now need a conclusion and the conclusion they require is one that is unlikely to be given. No, Castiel’s life was never meant to be a love story. Not ready to see Dean, Castiel resolves to pack up and leave, to put off that uncomfortable but necessary conversation for another day. But when Castiel steps out of the bathroom, he sees them. 

In the small and now more cramped hotel room, Kaia is hunched over her computer at the table like she is trying to block out what is happening. Claire and Sam are sitting on the edge of the bed, deep in conversation. But in the open space by the front door, there is Dean with his back to Castiel, his broad shoulders subtly rising and falling with every breath. When the bathroom door shuts with a click, Dean turns around. With a smirk on his face, he looks Castiel up and down and remarks,“Hey Cas.”


	11. 1950

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“1950” by King Princess**
> 
> _I hate it when dudes try to chase me  
>  But I love it when you try to save me  
> 'Cause I'm just a lady  
> I love it when we play 1950  
> So cold that your stare's 'bout to kill me  
> I'm surprised when you kiss me_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: 
> 
> This chapter has references to alcohol addiction and abuse

Kaia enjoys documentaries. Well, perhaps enjoys isn’t the right word. Can she really enjoy a piece of cinema that is often times used to showcase the grime, awful realities of the world? Can she really find joy in watching interview footage detailing the horrors of what life is like inside a cult? Can she really be amused by seeing the disgusting living conditions of animal in the industrial livestock system? 

No, Kaia doesn’t enjoy documentaries. She appreciates them for how they expand her mind and how they teach her about the world around her. However, what she does enjoy is how Claire curls up beside her to see what’s playing on her laptop screen. Often times Claire will sigh, saying something along the lines of “Another doc on the evils of consumerism? Really?” before she snuggles in and is asleep within minutes. 

Their “doc nights” are the few times in the week that Claire manages to stay still and lets herself rest and be vulnerable in Kaia’s arms. So Kaia will watch another series on the spread of ebola, just so she can get the chance to twirl the ends of Claire’s hair around her fingers. 

Kaia treasures these nights. 

Two months ago, after a battle with a ghoul left the two of them worn out and bruised, they settled in to watch a documentary about a man, Martin Tyler, who was wrongfully convicted of murder. Martin served twenty years in prison before DNA evidence exaggerated him and cleared his name. Midway through the film, the interviewer asked Martin if he resents the people who sent him to prison; the lawyers who prosecuted him, the judge who tried the case, the jury who sentenced him to life behind bars and more importantly, his brother who framed him for the murder. 

After being shown a picture of his brother, now behind bars, Martin looked directly into the camera and responded, “I don’t hate my brother. What he did was wrong and for that he will pay the price and serve his time. But no, I don’t hate him because you can’t treat a burn while you are still in the fire. I have to move on from the anger if I ever want to heal. For me, forgiveness is not about me doing anything for him, but is about helping myself heal.” 

With this, Claire scoffed, “I don’t believe him for a second. No way does he forgive his brother. He probably has a voodoo doll hidden under his pillow right now. Mark my words, we are going to be working the case of his brother’s mysterious death by next year.” 

But Kaia just shrugged, “I don’t know, he does seem at peace.” 

Turning to face Kaia, Claire became suddenly serious, “I don’t know if I could do that, if I could be that forgiving. Because, how does someone move on from being that betrayed by the people they care about? Martin lost years of his life because of his brother, someone he trusted and loved. Can someone ever truly be forgiven for causing that much pain or will there always be that small bit of anger and resentment that never really goes away?” 

They were no longer talking about the documentary. Kaia knew that Claire had been skirted around the question she had been wanting to ask ever since Kaia came back from the Bad Place. 

Gently brushing Claire’s hair out of her face, Kaia cradled Claire’s chin. “I don’t regrets saving your life and I don’t resent you for not coming to save me sooner. You couldn’t have known I was still alive. What’s important is the time we have now, not the time that we lost.” 

Taking Claire’s hand, Kaia pressed it to her own heart, “There is no anger in here towards you, only love.” 

Claire scoffed, “Yeah, ok, sure. Whatever you say.” But when Claire laid her head back against Kaia shoulder, Kaia could see Claire’s smile reflected back at her from the dark laptop screen. 

Despite the overtly saccharine delivery, Kaia’s sentiments were her truth, she doesn’t hold any resentment toward Claire about her time spent in the Bad Place. But Kaia isn’t a saint, nor will she ever pretend to be. She still holds onto the anger she feels towards the Winchesters, specially towards Dean. Dean Winchester is the man who threatened her under gunpoint to open up a portal. She would not have gone to the Bad Place in the first place if it hadn’t had been to save the Winchesters. Sure, Dean Winchester pulled her back to this world, but that simple act in her mind doesn’t erase all his sins. No, while she is grateful he came for her, she can’t just forgive him. Because in the end, he isn’t the one who saved her. The person who saved her is Claire. When Kaia returned from the Bad Place, broken and afraid, Claire helped stitch Kaia’s life back together again. Claire sat with her and held her while she cried out and let her have space when she needed it and gave her a comforting touch when she asked for it. Claire saved her because Claire is the one who taught Kaia that she could be loved. 

But no relationship is perfect and being with Claire involves taking on her baggage. Right now, that baggage includes Dean Winchester. Kaia plans on secretly hating him for the rest of her life. She has come to the conclusions that she doesn’t have to forgive everyone in the world, just the ones that matter to her. So she can go on hating the man she believes is the source of all her pain. But, the person standing in her hotel room right now doesn’t look like the same man who had threatened her so many years ago. The man who had waved a gun in her face was full of anger and fear. But the man in front of her now, doesn’t have that same fire behind his eyes. Kaia could see sadness, shame and regret, but not anger and not fear. Reluctantly, Kaia knows that loving Claire means taking on Claire’s complicated found family network, so Kaia is going to have to get use to having Dean Winchester in her life. 

So Kaia finds herself curled up in the corner of the hotel room, wondering if she could disappear. She’d learned how to hide from the years of living on the run from monsters, so perhaps if she doesn’t say anything, they will all forget that she exits and she can fade away until they leave. 

But, Kaia isn’t so successful in being invisible. Her silence catches the attention of Sam, who turns to her and asks,“Is everything alright Kaia?” When she doesn’t response he continues, “I know that we have’t talked much since you came back from the Bad Place. It may not be my place to ask, but I do want to know how you are doing. Are you still seeing the Bad Place?” 

Unwillingly, Kaia responses, “No, I mean yes. Yes, I’m still seeing the other world, but it isn’t such a bad place anymore. It seems like when Jack took over, he made it right. Or at least, he made that world as tolerable as that kind of place can be. I wouldn’t want to go back there, but it isn’t the hell that it once was.” 

Claire pipes in, “Damn right you wouldn’t want to go back. Why would anyone want to live without TV, internet connection and toilet paper. Those are the things you don’t realize you need until they are gone.” 

Grabbing her coffee cup off the table, Claire drinks the last sip before turning to Sam. “Speaking of other worlds, what ever happened to all the people who were from the other worlds that came here? I met a few of them on various hunts and they seemed pretty cool, if not a bit rough around the edges. Did Jack send them back?”

Sam shakes his head. “No, they’re still here. I think now that their stories are so entwined in this world, Jack knew that if he tried to take them back to their worlds, the ripple effect would be a disaster, the butterfly effect and all. What’s done is done, so they remain here.” 

Something seems to dawn on Dean as he throws up his hands in a times out symbol, “Hold on, wait a second. Does that mean the Hunter Corp version of us are still wandering around?”

Kaia has no idea what Dean is referring to but the reference seems to bring a smile to Sam who replies, “Hum, I suppose they are. Likely still partying it up in Rio.” 

Dean responses wistfully, “At least there’s one version of Sam and Dean who get to kick back and put their toes in the sand.” 

With this, Claire chimes in, “What’s stopping you Dean? Not like you are hunting anymore anyway. You’ve got the time, why not join them?” 

But before she continue, Claire clamps her mouth shut, realizing that she has said something she shouldn’t have as the conversation grinds to a halt. 

Finally breaking the tension, Castiel asks, “You’re not hunting anymore?” 

Shoving his hands in his pockets, Dean looks over at Castiel, “No, not really. Haven’t been for a while.” 

Never one to like an awkward pause, Claire claps her hands together and says, “Well, this reunion has been fun, but if you guys don’t mind, Kaia and I have work to do.” 

Claire goes to sit down next to Kaia at the small table. Kaia is grateful for Claire’s attempt to get the Winchesters to leave, with Claire having likely read Kaia’s shift in mood. But Claire’s plan backfires, because she has clearly forgotten how curious the brothers can be. 

Turning to face Claire, Dean asks, “Are you working on a case?”

“A potential one, yes.” Claire responses, not looking up from her laptop screen. 

Dean sits down on the bed that Claire has vacated, “Well, what do you have so far?” 

Claire sighs but then hands over the folder to Dean. “Three people have been murdered in the last two weeks. The three victims were Leon Clark, male, 35 year old, Judy Lee, female, 42 years old and Page Sutton, female, 21 years old. Autopsy results show that all three victims had their hearts crushed but the medical examiner can’t see how something like that could have happened. No broken ribs, no bruising, no obvious signs of external trauma. But when the first victim’s chest was opened during the autopsy, there was a mangled mess of heart tissue scatter on the inside. She found the same situation for the other two vics.” 

Den flips through the files, his eyes scanning the pages, “Any leads?” 

Claire shakes her head, “Not really. The only lead we have is that at each crime scene, a letter was left behind with the body. But the letters were written in some dead language that Castiel helped us translate last night.” 

Sam perks up, “What did the letters say?” 

“After playing around with the wording, Castiel got, ’The course of true love never did run smooth’, ‘Love looks not with the eyes. But with the mind. And therefore is wing’d Cupid painted blind’, and ‘I’ll follow thee and make a heaven of hell, to die upon the hand I love so well’” 

“And therefore is wing’d Cupid painted blind,” Dean says out loud but to no one in particular. “And therefore is wing’d Cupid painted blind, where I have heard that before?” 

Sam pipes in, “It’s from Shakespeare. Specifically, a Midsummer Nights Dream. ‘Lord, what fools these mortals be’” 

Under his breath, Dean whispers, “Nerd.”

Ignoring Dean, Sam turns back to Claire and asks “So, what are you thinking so far?” 

Claire shrugs her shoulder and the room falls into contemplative silence. 

“I think it’s an empath.” Kaia declares and everyone in the room turns to look at her. So much for being invisible and she reluctantly continues, “I did some research last night and that is where the signs are pointing. According to the lore, empaths feed off of human emotions. Usually, they are benign and serve as a sort of 'emotional blood letting’, taking on extreme emotions so people can heal. There are few insistence in the lore of empaths being spotted during major disasters such as the hurricane in Galveston in 1900 and the eruption of Mount Vesuvius in Pompeii. Basically, from what I can gather, empaths keep everything in balance, especially during particularly hostile times. However, there are cases where a rouge empathy become addicted to human emotions and starts killing people for it. I’ve been looking on Charlies hunter’s database and the crushed hearts that the medical examiner described look like an empath attack.”

Dean scratches at his chin, “Makes sense. So how do you stop them?” 

Kaia shakes her head, “Haven’t found that out yet.” 

Using his puppy dog eyes that Kaia has heard so much about, Sam asks her, “Mind if I help? Fresh pair of eyes?”

“Sure,” shrugs Kaia, knowing she doesn’t really have a choice. Regardless of what she says, the Winchesters will find some way to weasel into Kaia and Claire’s case, so she might as well accept the inevitable.

With a satisfied smile, Sam reaches into the bag that he carried into the room to take out his own laptop. 

Dean turns to Claire, “What about you? What is your next step?” 

Claire, having already finished off her own coffee, reaches out to take Kaia’s cup and finishes off hers as well. “I’ve reached out to local PD, but they haven’t been able to connect any of the victims.” 

Rubbing his hands together, Dean offers, “Since Sam and I are already here, why don’t we help out. I’ve got nothing else going on and Sam can run the Network from here, basically hunting by telecommunity or tele-hunting.”

Claire groans at Dean’s new word, but Dean isn’t phased as he continues, “What do you say about starting at the morgue because I want to see the bodies for myself. Since you already made contact, you’ll take the lead and based on what we find, we can decide what to do next from there.” 

Having learned how to read Claire’s subtle changes in expression, Kaia can see that Claire is elated and excited about the idea of showing of her hunting skills to her idol Dean. With a dismissive attitude, Claire responses, “Sure, whatever.”

Snapping his fingers, Dean says, “Great, we’ve got a plan. Cas, you interested in a trip to the morgue? I’ve got an extra suit in Baby’s trunk that you can borrow and it will be just like old times.” 

Without looking at Dean, Cas responses, “No, I’m going to stay here and look through the lore with Sam and Kaia.”

For a fraction of a second Dean’s brows furrow before his face returns back to a neutral facade, “Suit yourself. You ready Claire?” and Claire nods. 

Claire and Dean head out to the morgue, leaving Kaia alone with Sam and Castiel. Despite how she feels about Dean, almost immediately after Dean and Claire leave, Kaia wishes that she had gone with them. Because, with everyone else gone, Kaia can clearly see that there is some major tension between Sam and Castiel. She has no idea what happened and she doesn’t care to find out. It’s none of her business and she would like to keep it that way. So, to block out the obvious awkwardness, she dives into the lore. 

Sam sets up his research station on the table next to Kaia and right away is focused in on his laptop and nothing else. To aid in the research, Castiel borrows Claire’s laptop and after Kaia showed him the basics of how to work Charlie’s database, he starts reading through the files as well. Over the course of the afternoon, Castiel occasionally mentions something he finds interesting in the lore out loud but the only response from Sam is a half heart acknowledgement as he pointedly avoids all interactions with the former angel. Eventually, Castiel gives up and starts silently writing down notes on the hotel’s complimentary notepad at the workspace he has arranged on the floor of the hotel room. 

Finally rewarded for enduring Sam and Castiel’s man pain all afternoon, Kaia comes across a reference to a string of mysterious deaths in 1917 and the record detailed the tracking of a murderous empath. Kaia breaks the silence in the room, “Found something.” 

Kaia airdrops the link to the reference page to Sam and Castiel and the trio read through the report. The details of the case are eerily similar to the ones they are working now. Letters were left behind and were translated to be from Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing”. In the quest to stop the murderous empath, the Men of Letter’s members worked with another empath who had been trying to track down and stop the wayward member of his flock. But despite their best efforts, in the end, eight people died before the murders suddenly stopped. The writer of the report hypothesized the empath had moved on to hunt in a different area. The Men of Letter’s members tried to track down new leads, but the trail ran cold and the empath was never found.

After scanning the pages, Sam finally speak up, “So based on this, to kill an empath, you have to destroy what they destroy. If the empath kills by crushing a human heart, I’m assuming that means we must destroy their heart.”

Tilting his head to one side, Castiel asks, “Does the lore specify on how the heart must be destroyed? How do we crush a heart?” 

Sam scoffs, “I think you already know.” 

Castiel’s brow furrows, “What is that supposes to mean?”   
Shaking his head, Sam mutters, “Nothing. It’s nothing Cas.” 

Kaia sighs, even she can tell it wasn’t nothing. 

Castiel replies. “Sam, if there is something that you wish to say to me, if I have offended you in some way, then I think you should tell me, so I don’t repeat the offense.” 

With a huff, Sam closes his laptop and finally looks at Castiel. “Why did you leave Cas?” 

Momentary taken aback, Castiel responses, "What do you mean?” 

Sam rolls his eyes so hard that Kaia can feel it from across the table. “When you came back from the Empty, why did you leave? 

Studying his hands, Castiel says, “It was too painful and confusing to stay. I was no longer of any use to you or Dean, so I had to go.”

Sam shakes his head hard in frustration, “What are you talking about? No one asked you to go. You could have stayed. Dean and I would have helped you.”

With this Castiel stiffens, “I don’t need your help. I am not some needy child and no one is obligated to take care of me. I will not become a burden.” 

Sam reassures, “Cas, you are not an obligation or a burden. It’s okay to need help. Everyone needs help every once in awhile.” 

This for some reasons, sets Castiel off, and he turns away from Kaia and Sam and goes back to staring at the laptop screen. “You and your brother don’t need any help. You manage fine with just each other.”

“Dean and I need more than each other.” Sam bites out sharply. 

Without turning from his screen, Castiel mutters “Not from what I’ve seen.”

Still not sure what is going on, but suddenly very interested, Kaia watches the two men, who are on the knife edge of an argument and have completely forgotten about her presence in the room. 

Leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest, Sam snaps. “That’s because you don’t see what it’s like when you are gone. You’ve never had to pick up the pieces you leave behind.”

Sam’s response defuses whatever tension was in Castiel before, who now appears bewildered and confused, “What are you talking about Sam?”

Biting down on his bottom lip, having clearly said more than he intended, Sam dismisses, “Nothing Cas. Forget I said anything.”

But there will be no forgetting because whatever just happened was clearly not nothing. Kaia shifts uncomfortably in her seat, having glimpsed into the inner working of the Winchester drama that she had only heard rumors about through the hunter grape vine. Castiel stares at Sam like he is trying to decipher the puzzle that Sam placed before him. The unspoken conclusion in the room is that no one will be able to focus on research after what has unfolded. 

At a little past five, Dean and Claire save the trio from their misery, coming back to the hotel room brandishing pizza but little information on the case. After running down the leads and interviewing friends and family members, Claire and Dean’s findings are that this case is more complicated than it originally appeared. Every lead seems to turn into a dead end. There are no links between the victims, no links to where the victims were last seen and no links to where the bodies were found. Dean and Claire hand out case files, and over greasy pizza, the team examine every lead that they can find. Spread out amongst the table, the beds and the floor, the team get to work. But from all the research that was attempted over the tense afternoon, the only information they have learned about the empaths are that they can be killed by destroying their heart and a vague reference Sam found that like so many other creature, they have a weakness for silver. 

Biting into his second slice of pizza, Castiel sighs, “I don’t think I like pizza.”

Claire gasps and drastically shouts, pointing at Castiel, “Blasphemy!” which provokes an eye roll from Kaia. 

But Claire’s outburst causes Castiel to straighten, “It’s not that I am not grateful that you have brought food for us to eat. I can understand the intricacies of human behavior and I am thankful for your eagerness to provide nourishment to those you consider family. But this pizza,” Castiel scrutinizes the slice in his hand that flops lazily from its own weight, “compared to what we had for breakfast this morning, it doesn’t has the same… impact. It’s like something is missing.” 

Sam murmurs, “Like nutrition value?” 

Kaia is in agreement with Sam, dabbing her slice with a grease soaked napkin. Seeing this, Sam reaches into his bag and tosses Kaia a bag of mixed nuts and dried fruit, which she takes gratefully. 

Taken aback by Castiel’s assessment, Dean questions, “Buddy, this is the first time you’ve needed to eat in what, eight years? And that is over the course of millennia of not eating any food at all. How did you suddenly become a picky eater?” 

Castiel scowls, “It’s not that, it’s just… there is something missing and I can’t put my finger on it.” 

Taking another slice, Dean shrugs, “I’ll admit, it isn’t the best, but it will do for now. But just wait until we get back to Kansas. Then I’ll make you a real pizza, with from scratch dough and everything. I can make your pie however you want it.” 

Out of nowhere, Dean blushes and sputters out, “If you know, that would be something you were interested in.” 

But before Castiel can respond, Claire interrupts, “Hey, I think I found something. It looks like two of our victims Leon and Judy were frequent customers at single’s night at a local bar called “Heartbreakers” and our other victim, Page, was seen last week at a frat party at the local college.” 

Claire uses a pen to twist her hair into a knot on the top of her head, her “thinking do” as she calls it, and she continues. “Which I suppose makes sense. We are looking for the empath’s feeding ground, so places and event where there is drinking, flirting, and touching that could bring up a lot of emotions, they would be like an emotional feast. ” 

Putting his slice of pizza down, Dean asks, “What do you say we split up, Claire and Kaia take the college, and Sam, Cas and I take the bar?”

Castiel interjects, “I think I should go with Claire and Kaia.” 

Claire and Dean both responds with a “Really?” 

Dean clear his throat, “Cas, buddy, don’t get me wrong, I’m digging the new dubs, but don’t you think it will be a bit creepy, you asking questions to a bunch of college kids about frat parties?” 

Straightening, Castiel responses, “Actually, I was thinking I would be a catalyst. If I come in asking questions as law enforcement, it will make the college students nervous. Then Kaia and Claire can go in undercover as college student. The interviewees will see Kaia and Claire as peers and might be more willing to share what they know.”

Dean nods, “Yeah, um, that’s a good strategy. You ready Sam?” 

Sam nods and the team agrees to meet after the interviews to debrief. 

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After filing into the girls’ shared Forester, Kaia drives the team to the local college campus with Claire acting as navigator in the front seat and Castiel, wearing Dean’s spare suit, stares out the window in the back. During the drive, Kaia and Claire babble about nothing and everything.

The sun has started to set and the streetlights begin to flicker on like the stars in the clear evening sky. When she spies the row of tall square block style dorms buildings, Kaia decides to make a loop around so they can get a feel of the campus layout before splitting up for questioning. Kaia eyes Claire and asks, “How was it working with Dean this afternoon? Did he try to take over the case from you?” 

Claire looks up from her phone where she had been scanning through social media post of the frat party last week, searching for evidence of Page. “Not really. I could definitely tell he was trying real hard not to take the lead but I think he finally realized that I am adult now and I know what I am doing. He still let his opinion be known, because you know, he’s Dean, but he backed off when I was interviewing people. It was actually, really refreshing. But mostly, it was just nice seeing him on a case because I didn’t think I would see that again.”

Castiel interjects, and Kaia hadn’t even realized he had been paying attention to their conversation, “What do you mean?” 

Claire turns around in her seat to face Castiel, “Well, you know, him retiring, I thought it would be permanent. Dean Winchester, packing it up and leaving hunting behind, it was all anyone could talk about for months.” 

Somewhat bewildered, Castiel asks, “He really stopped hunting?” 

Turning back around in her seat, Claire continues to scroll though her phone, her go to move when she doesn’t want to look anyone in the eyes during a difficult conversation, “Yeah, I mean, he kind of had to though. He tried to hide it, but he was really messed up for awhile. Everyone knew he was in a lot of pain, but there wasn’t anything anybody could do about it.” 

A frown settles on Castiel’s already serious face, “Why was he in pain? I thought he would have been grateful to finally be free of Chuck.” 

Claire whips around in her seat to face Castiel again but she asks carefully. “You really don’t know, do you?” 

When Castiel doesn’t respond, Claire just shakes her head and goes back to her phone, “It was you. Your death, it broke him.” 

Something deflates in Castiel and through the review mirror, Kaia watches him sink further into the back seat, becoming one with the upholstery. Claire hadn’t exaggerated when she said Dean had been broken after Castiel’s death. A little over a month ago, Claire went to visit Dean as part of the “Dean Winchester Wellness Check-up” set up by Jody and Donna. Kaia was sure Dean saw right through the charade of strategically planned out visits but Claire insisted that she acted totally normal when she dropped in. Claire said she wasn’t even sure if Dean realized she was there most of the time. According to Claire, Dean was a shell of his former self. During her visit, they spent most of the time watching old movies in silence. Claire tried to cheer him up with a Keanu Reeves marathon but ten minutes into watching Bill and Ted’s Bogus Adventure, Dean suddenly left the room without any warning and Claire didn’t see him for the rest of the night. Thinking back on the events, Claire remarked that she should have started with the Matrix instead. 

Claire clears her throat, “But you know, you’re back now and Dean seems fine. He’s hunting again, so it all turned out alright in the end.” 

Kaia makes a left hand turn and they pass by a row of academic buildings. Evening classes must have just ended, as students start spilling out of the doors in disorganize globs. Small groups of students are talking excitedly, while a scatter of others are distractedly texting away on their phones. Kaia smiles at their carefree exuberance, suddenly feeling a lot older than her years. She imagines a life that she could have, a life where she is one of the student walking the campus preparing for a future that doesn’t require guns, knives or holy water. She glances over to Claire who is scrutinizing the students as well. Kaia asks, “But is Dean getting back into hunting a good thing? From what you’ve said, it sounds like he was starting to make a better life for himself. He got that nice cabin in the woods and a good, stable job. Isn’t that the dream, to eventually make it out of the hunting life alive?” 

Castiel interest is again peaked and he questions, “Dean moved out of the bunker?” 

‘Well yeah,” Claire looks like she is about to ask Castiel where he has been but then likely remembers that he’s been dead for five months, “Sam turned the bunker into this giant hunters base so there are hunters constantly coming and going. Since Dean wasn’t hunting anymore, he left and went off to embrace the #Cottage Core lifestyle.” 

“So the place in Cawker City, that cabin, that’s his?” Castiel is now on the edge of his seat, leaning towards Claire like he is finally piecing together the last pieces of a puzzle. 

“Yeah, that’s the place.” Claire shakes her head, not getting what Castiel doesn’t understand about this conversation. 

Something crosses over his face and Castiel closes his eye and leans his head gently against the window, looking like he has made a big mistake. Claire just shrugs and turns back to Kaia. 

Claire huffs, “I shouldn’t have been surprised that Dean would get back into hunting eventually. People like us, we don’t know how to quit and we don’t really have any skills outside of the hunting world. In the end, there’s no way out for us.” 

Kaia sighs, “Claire, you can’t believe that.” 

But Claire just shrugs. 

Kaia doesn’t respond because she knows where this conversation will lead. It is the same conversation she has had countless times with Claire over the past few months. With hunts on the decline, there is finally a light at the end of tunnel, an end in sight. But Claire seems reluctant to leave it all behind, as if she feels that she has nothing else to give the world other than her life. 

Often times Kaia wondered how Claire could be so pessimistic. Kaia think that it is because unlike her, Claire had a white picket fence life before she was thrusted into the supernatural. Having always had a rough life, Kaia still has hope for better days, while Claire knew from experience that things could always get worse and a happily ever after can be easily taken away. 

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Castiel’s plan for being a catalyst to campus gossip works to some extent. Kaia interviews a small cluster of students outside of “the Rec” as they called it, but while they are eager to discuss the mysterious death of their fellow student, they don’t give her much to go on. Based on her fellow student’s descriptions, Page was a paradox. She either had her nose in a book or her lips around a bottle. If she wasn’t in the library devouring classic literature, she was at the frat party doing keg stands. She was an enigma. One of the students noted that they had seen Page several times heading over to the Sacred Heart Church on Thursday nights around this time.

Following the clues, Kaia walks the short distance to Sacred Heart Church. The weather had started to improve and she was glad to finally be outside of the hotel room and on her own for awhile. She texts Claire the latest findings and starts to do some digging around. Frustratingly, no one at the Church seems to have even heard of Page. As she is about ready to leave and call it a night, Kaia sees out of the corner of her eye the familiar signs of a support group, as people start filtering into the sterile auditorium hall. If Page wasn’t a member of the Church, perhaps she belonged to whatever group is meeting here. Kaia reasons that all the emotions that can show up in a support group seem like a perfect feeding ground for an empath. 

Doing her best to be inconspicuous, Kaia slides into the meeting and assesses the scene. The signs are all there, the circle of empty chairs in the center of the room, the shifting of nervous eyes, the feeling of both community and isolation. Kaia knows these signs because she has seen them too many times before. This is an addiction support groups and by the looks of it, an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. Kaia’s memory flashes back to the many addiction support groups she had belong to before her time spent in the Bad Place. Drugs and alcohol had been her escape from the visions of the Bad Place, but they were not her savior when she had been thrusted into that world. 

The walls start tp close in and Kaia is not ready to face this particular scenario. But before she is able to flee, she is stopped by a man who glides up beside her.

“You don’t have to hide. No one here is going to hurt you.” The man speaks in a soft but clear voice. With his long black and grey hair pulled back in a low pony tail and his psychedelic tie-dyed shirt, Kaia would have thought his natural habit would be at a Great Dead Concert rather than an AA meeting. But from the way the other meeting members seem to eye him, Kaia takes that he is the leader of the group. As their leader, he has already made her out to be an outsider, someone who doesn’t belong here. 

“What,” Kaia stammers out, “what makes you think I am trying to hide?” 

The man questers to her hoodie pulled up over her head and dragged down deep across the top of her face. His gaze takes in the way that she had stretched her sleeves out over her hands, cupping them on the inside to cover not only her wrist but all her exposed skin. He nods to her hunched poster and downward gaze. He leans in to whisper “I took a lucky guess.” 

The man then leans back and addresses her as formally as someone in Birkenstocks can, “The names Freddie. I haven’t seen you here before and I know that the first meeting can be intimidating.” 

As a team, Kaia always found that Claire was better at interacting with potential suspects, but Kaia knows she will never get better without practice and she can’t hide out in the hotel rooms forever. Kaia decides to take a gamble as she responses, “Yeah, I’m pretty nervous to be here, but I heard good things about this group from a friend of mine, Page.” 

Freddie seems to stiffen slightly, “Page,” he closes his eyes and his tension releases a fraction, “We were all sorry to hear about her passing.” 

“Does anyone here know what happened to her?” Kaia questions as she studies Freddie’s face for any slight changes that could hint that he is the one hiding something. 

But Freddie just shakes his head. “No, no one’s heard anything and the police haven’t released any details. The not knowing makes it even harder to move on.” 

Kaia continues to observe Freddie, “I was shocked to hear what happened to her. Page always seemed like such a nice girl. Quiet, but nice.” 

“Quiet but nice. So many people’s lives are condensed down to short descriptions that it is hard to see how we all contain multitudes. But regardless of who Page was and what she did or didn’t do in life, she didn’t deserve the ending she got. She deserved a happy ending, like we all do.”

Freddie reaches out and lightly touches Kaia arm, “It’s important to talk to people, especially after a loss of a friend. The meeting is about to start, but would you like to stay afterwards? As a group, we do morn the lost of own of our own.” 

Freddie is right that the meeting is about to start. Member of the group are finding their ways to their seat. Kaia gives Freddie a nod to acknowledge that she plans on staying afterwards and she claims an empty seat that faces the exit, with the idea that she can make a quick escape if necessary. But after Freddie opens the meeting, the stories begin to flow and there is no opportunity for her to leave. The stories that are shared are echos of her own. The characters are different and the events are not the same, but the struggles of their daily life are a common thread to her own. No one is here because they were given an easy lot in life and Kaia can empathize with their pain. 

With how vulnerable the people in the group are being, Kaia feels gross for taking advantage of them. She shouldn’t be here, she is a fraud in the community of trust. The people in front of her are being so honest and she is here under a lie, to trying and find out their secrets. No, she will find another lead in Page’s death, because she can’t take advantage of this group trust any longer. Eying the empty doorway, Kaia strategized her escape strategy when a familiar frame fills the space. Dean Winchester stands frozen still and looking directly at Kaia. For someone who had faced down the literal devil himself, Kaia is shocked to see the evidence of fear on Dean’s face, as if he is about to turn and run. But Dean doesn’t run. He just continues to stare at Kaia and she continues to stare at him. 

“Good evening friend,” Freddie calls from across the room. This breaks the spell between Kaia and Dean and they both turn to face him. 

Dean clears his throat, “Oh, I didn’t mean to interrupt. I can go.” With this, Dean starts to back out of the room slowly. 

But before he can leave, Freddie put his hand up. “No please, stay if you can. All are welcome and I get the feeling that you have something that you need to say. So please, stay.”

Dean hesitates but eventually walks over to sit in one of the empty seat on the opposite side of the room from Kaia. Smart, Kaia thinks, that way they can cover more ground on the interviews. Clearly, Claire gave Dean a heads up about Kaia’s lead and he is here as some sort of back up. But the idea that Claire doesn’t think that Kaia can do this on her own stings a bit. Kaia survived for years in the Bad Place all by herself. She can last a few hour without backup. 

Freddie continues to looks at Dean softly and asks, "And what is your story friend?”

Shifting uncomfortably, Dean replies, “Oh, um, I didn’t think this was like an open mic situation. I figured I would sit this round out, you know, let the others have the floor.”

But Freddie continues to talk to Dean like he is the only person in the room, “Friend, I won’t make you share if you don’t want to. Your silence is your choice. But, I can see that you need a friendly ear, so we are all here if you need us.” 

When Dean doesn’t responded, Freddie continues, “May I ask how long it has been?”

“It's only been 5 days,” Dean gently shakes his head but then quickly defends, “but I was doing well before that. I was up to almost 3 months, which if you know me, is no small achievement.” 

Turning to the pretty women beside him, Dean attempts a flirty sort of grin. But when the women doesn’t response, Dean takes a breath and continues, “My job… it always seems like the world is ending and everything rests on my shoulders. But that doesn’t excuse the fact that I’ve made a lot of mistakes and I’ve hurt a lot of people. I’ve never really had control over my life but now that I do, I’m trying to do better. Each day, I wake up and try to do better.”

Nodding sagely, Freddie says, “That is all that we can do.” 

“All the pain that I’ve caused, I want to apologize to all the people that I’ve hurt,” Dean turns to stare directly into Kaia eyes. “But I don’t know how.” 

“Sometimes, the words that we have the hardest time saying are the words that most need to be said.” Freddie tilts his head, “What put you over the edge this time?” 

Dean doesn’t speak and the room is so quiet that Kaia can hear the buzzing from the A/C unit and the sound of her neighbors bouncing foot. When enough times has passed, Freddie looks ready to move onto the next person, but Dean finally speaks up, “I lost someone close to me. I thought that I could make everything right and go back to the way things were, but I was wrong. After what I’ve done, there is no going back.”

Unable to face the group, Dean presents his speech to the cracks in the tile floor. “I’m always trying to do what is best for those I care about but I’m realizing I should listen to what they say they need rather than just doing what I think is right for them. I’ve learned that I can be blind to what’s around me and not see what’s been in front of me the whole time. So I need to stop reacting and just listen.”

When Dean doesn’t say anything else, Freddie decides that Dean has said his peace for the night, and he turns to the women beside him and asks her if she would like to share. As the women starts to share her story, Kaia knows she should be scrutinizing the rest of the group, searching for signs of the empath. But instead, she can’t help but watch Dean, who’s hunched forward with arms resting on his knees, absentmindedly studying the ground in front of him like at any moment it will crack open and swallow him whole.

After the meeting, Kaia strides up to Dean who is standing alone by the back wall of the room. She blurts out, “Didn’t think I could cut it on my own huh?”

Taken aback, Dean asks, “What are you talking about?”

“Didn’t Claire send you? Didn’t she tell you about my lead?”

“No.” 

“Then why are you here?” The realization dawns on Kaia, that there could be another reason for why Dean is here and when Dean doesn’t offer up an explanation, Kaia asks quietly, “So what you said?”

Dean smirks, “Mostly true, or at least as true as I can be.” Dean straightens, “So what lead do you have here?” 

Kaia decides to let Dean have an out in the conversation and she fills him in, “It looks like Page was a member of this group. I figured I would ask around and do a few quick silver checks. Did you find out anything from Heartbreakers.”

“The bar gossips is that both Leon and Judy might have both been involved with someone named Jamie.”

Kaia hums, “What do you say we split up? I go left and you go right and we see if anyone knows anything about Page or Jamie?” 

Dean nods, “Sounds like a plan.” 

After a half hour making idle chit chat and not uncovering any new leads, Kaia meets Dean back at the refreshment table. Having finished his interviews before her, he is looking at the screen of his phone, so she nudges him with her shoulder, "Any luck?”

Pocketing his phone, he responses, “No. You?”

“No, nothing.” Kaia scans over to the group leader, who is placing a reassuring hand on the arm of a man who’s seen better days and will hopeful will see better days again. “Not even the group leader? He seemed suspiciously intuitive.” 

Dean shakes his head, “Well, there was no silver reaction. It seems like he is just a good man. I got his number in case we have any follow up questions, but I didn’t see anything suspicious going on here.” 

Leaning against the wall and knocking her head against the hard surface, Kaia exclaims, “Damn and now we’re back to square one.” 

“We’ll get there.” Dean takes a pause. “I meant what I said before, I owe you an apology. I should never have,”

But Kaia interrupts him, “Your right you shouldn’t have. But you will make it up to me someday.”

Dean gives her a crocked grin, “How about I start now? Can I buy you a cup of free coffee?”

Ah, so there is the infamous Winchester charm and Kaia finds herself actually smiling, “That will do for now.” 

Dean reaches down to turn over two paper coffee cups and he fill each of them up from the large coffee urn. “I’m not promising much. One thing I’ve learned is that AA coffee is typically pretty awful.”

Dean offers her a cup and she finds herself raising her cup and saying, “To terrible but free coffee.” 

Dean smiles and echoes her toast, “terrible but free.” 

Taking a sip, Dean’s face shows surprise and then pleasure, “Wow, this stuff is actually good.” 

Dean grabs a short bread cookie from the stack set out next to the coffee urn and he takes a bite, “and this is good too.” 

After looking around to see if anyone is watching, he grabs a second one. And then a third. Kaia tries to suppress another smile. No way is Dean Winchester going to wear her down. She takes a sip from her own cup. 

“I think you’ve been drinking bad gas station coffee for too long.” But Kaia doesn’t want to admit the coffee is actually pretty damm good.

Dean chuckles, “That’s true. Come on kid, we got a long day ahead of us tomorrow. Let’s call it a night.”

They walk to Dean’s car in companionable silence and Kaia sends Claire a quick text that she is on her way back to the hotel room with Dean. She received back a flurry of messages ranging from _What???_ to _Ur leaving me? For him???_ to _Don’t kill him. Cas will just bring him back & then Dean will be pissed & thanksgiving will be awkward._

They arrive back at the hotel room and the team shares what little intel they’ve gathered so far. Sam pulls up his laptop to work on tracking down the mysterious Jamie and Claire opens up a six pack and starts tossing them around the room. But Dean just waves her off and says he’s fine, giving Kaia a knowing smile. Yes, Kaia still hasn’t forgiven Dean but she is starting to think that someday, she might.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There were a few characters that I thought Supernatural treated terrible and one of them was Kaia. When Dean pulled the gun on her, like holy moly, that was one of the most unhinged moments on the show. 
> 
> So I really wanted to have a resolution to her character. I didn’t want her to automatically forgive dean, because let’s be honest, what they did to her, not great. But I did want her to understand his flaws and start working toward forgiveness. 
> 
> Also, I kind of wanted Sam to be pissed that someone hurt his brother’s feelings. I could see Sam being torn, Castiel is like family to him, but when it comes down to it, Sam would stick up for his brother if he thought Cas had caused Dean as much pain as he did in earlier chapters.
> 
> For updates on progress: 
> 
> So the next three chapters are going to take some work. They are going to be decently long and still need a bunch more writing so updates may come every 2 weeks rather than every week.
> 
> That being said, after that, most of the stuff is written, so the updates should be pretty fast with multiple chapters dropping at a time. Stuff will happen that I don’t want to leave y’all hanging on for too long, so I am going to try and have it drop at least somewhat close together.


	12. Pedestrian at Best

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **“Pedestrian at Best” by Courtney Barnett**
> 
> _I love you, I hate you, I'm on the fence, it all dependsWhether I'm up or down, I'm on the mend, transcending all realityI like you, despise you, admire you  
>  What are we gonna do when everything all falls through?  
> I must confess, I've made a mess of what should be a small success  
> This, that, the other, why even bother?  
> It won't be with me on my deathbed, but I'll still be in your head_

Claire doesn’t understand why Castiel isn’t sleeping with Dean. Not that she wants Castiel and Dean to “sleep together”. She had given up wondering if they would ever get together years ago. If the idiots hadn’t figured it out by now, she doubted they ever would. No, what’s bothering her is that Castiel, the angel turned human, who looks like her father, but is decidedly not her father, but then still kind of acts like her father, is snoring gently on the bed next to the one she is sharing with Kaia. And while her heart ached when she learned that he was dead and then lifted when she found out he was alive again, Claire has spent the better part of the last half hour wishing he was in the other room. With Dean. And not here. She needs to talk to Kaia and she definitely doesn’t want to have the conversation in front of him, her not Dad, Dad. 

Claire had witnessed Kaia work out some really heavy emotional stuff since she had come back from the not so fun version of Jurassic Park. As much as Claire doesn’t want to admit it, members of her “not family but still kind of her family” were on Kaia’s list of people to hate for all eternity. Well, Kaia’s list wasn’t really a list, it was just one name and that name was Dean Winchester. Yes, as far Claire could tell, Kaia planned on hating Dean for all eternity. So when Kaia rolled up to the hotel last night riding shotgun in the Impala and not looking like she wanted to murder Dean, Claire had questions, so many questions. But, they were questions that she couldn’t ask while her wannabe Dad is 10 ft away.  


Letting out a deep breath, Claire covers her face with her hands. She should be honest with herself that her frustration is about more than just Castiel’s sleeping arrangements. The past 48 hours had been strange to say the least. Things had changed since Castiel had gone into the Empty. Claire had started a relationship with Kaia and now for the first time she is having to see the face of her father watch her with another women. Claire knows that Castiel is indifferent to what gender of partner she chooses; his understanding of gender and sexual orientation being far more open when compared to what Claire encounters from the many strangers she comes across in her daily life. But what her father, Jimmy Novack, the original owner of Castiel’s face, would think about his daughter being with a women, is an unknown, the topic having never been breached during the short time that Claire and Jimmy lived as a happy family. 

There are three types of negative reactions that Claire is use to receiving from strangers about her relationship with Kaia. People either:

a) outright hate her and make their displeasure known freely  
b) decide that her relationship exists solely for the purpose of male entertainment or as a ploy for attention  
c) believe that her relationship isn’t real, that it’s a passing phase and a temporary substitute until she finds the right man.

It’s these reactions that Claire thinks about when she wonders how her father would respond to seeing her with Kaia. She fears that he would hate her for who she is but the idea that he would believe that her relationship wasn’t real somehow hurts more. 

Claire turns over in bed to face the sleeping Kaia. She’s tempted to move in closer, to tell Kaia that the fact that she is willing to put up with her somewhat functional, kinda family means the world to her. But mostly, Claire wants to feel Kaia’s warmths against her, to reassure herself that what they have is in fact real. But Claire is definitely not doing that while the man who looks like her father is in the bed next to them. 

Still deciding her next move, her decision is made for her by pounding on the door and Dean voice calling out, “Rise and shine, we got another body.” 

The noise wakes Kaia who begins to stir and a very audible groan comes from Castiel as he burrows further into his blankets and pulls a pillow over his head. 

Dean’s voice from outside perks up again, “Come on cupcakes, we got work to do.” 

Claire sighs and gets up to open the door. Dean saunters in with a tray of coffees, followed by Sam carrying a bag of breakfast sandwiches. 

Setting the goodies on the table, Dean makes himself at home in the room. Kaia perks up with the smell of coffee and grabs one for herself. But another loud groan focuses the group’s attention to the still occupied bed to watch Castiel reluctantly sit up, his hair a mess and eyes still puffy from sleep. Claire notices Dean grinning as he says, “Good morning sleepy head.” 

“What time is it?” Castiel mumbles. 

Annoyingly cheerful, Dean replies, “A little after 7. You know what they say, the early bird catches the worm.” 

“Ugh. I don’t want any worms, I just want some damn sleep,” is all Castiel manages before he rolls out of bed and stumbles over to grab a coffee. 

Once his goal of claiming caffeine is achieved, Castiel grumbles into the cup, "This coffee isn’t worth it, it taste terrible.”

“That’s all we got, so suck it up buttercup,” Dean quirks, hiding a smile behind his own cup. 

Castiel, having pounded back a few too many beers last night as he is not yet use to the lower alcohol tolerance of his new human form, is battle what might be his first hangover and clearly Dean thinks this is adorable. 

Claire grabs a breakfast sandwich from Sam. “So, what’s up with the new body?” 

Sam opens up his laptop and shows her the latest. Most of the evidence is the same as the previous crime scenes. The victim, a women, Adelina Rana, age 32, was found the same way as the others, with a crushed heart and an encrypted letter. 

Kaia, having already pulled out her laptop, sneaks her way into the local PD database. “Looks like they don’t have much to go on so far. All the police have is that she was last seen leaving Sweet Heart’s Cafe and Bakery three nights ago.” 

The coffee cup freezes on its way to Claire’s mouth, “Wait, Sweet Heart’s? The same place we got breakfast from yesterday?” 

Kaia glances over to Claire. “Yeah, why?” 

Dean interjects, “That’s also where the coffee and cookies came from the meeting last night.” 

Kaia scoffs, “How would you know that?” 

“The cookies were good, so I asked Freddie.” Dean shrugs. 

Typing on his computer, Sam pulls up the map of the town. “Hey, check this out. Sweet Heart’s is around the corner from the Heartbreakers. According to the website, the cafe is open 24 hrs a day to quote ‘Serve up what your heart desires.’” 

The team share elated looks, having finally caught a lead but Dean appears deflated. “Oh man. Don’t tell me the cafe is evil. The coffee was good and I don’t want the case to be about killer cookies.”

Finishing off her sandwich, Claire brushes her hands clean. “So what do you think, anyone up for checking out Sweet Heart’s?” 

Dean nods solemnly, “I’m in.” 

“Me too.” Cas interjects, still a bit grumpy, but at least the sounds he is making are actual words. 

Stunned, Dean stares at him but Castiel just shrugs, “I require better coffee. Now that I have taste buds, I’m going to use them.” 

Claire glances over to Dean, who is practically beaming. Oh god, she is going to be sick. 

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After suiting up, the trio arrive at the Sweet Heart’s Bakery and Cafe and Claire has to hold back an audible gag. Kaia had picked up their breakfast yesterday, so Claire wasn’t prepared to see the inside of the cafe and the place… is a bit much. If Valentine’s Day was to take a physical form, it would be this venue. Kaia could practically taste the sugar content in the smell of the air and the cloying love songs playing over the sound system screech in her ears. Along the walls are posters containing various cliche love poems that Claire doesn’t have strength to force herself to read. The line to the counter reaches out the door, but no one seems to mind the wait as the customers talk amongst themselves in the annoying way that only ever occurs in movies. 

But the longer she stands in the entry way, scanning the room for potential interview targets, the more she thinks, it might not be so bad, like in an ironic sort of way. 

Dean nudges her and nods over to a man who is wearing an apron that reads “Sweat Heart's Bakery and Cafe, Can you taste the love?”. With the charm and charisma of a model in a tooth paste commercial, the man commands the space around him, which makes Claire roll her eyes. But, by the way he is talking to the women working the register and the man calling out orders, he is clearly the person in charge and their first interview target. 

Dean, Claire and Castiel walk up to the counter and the man flashes them a dazzling smile as he asks,“How can I help you?”

But before Dean and Claire can say anything, Castiel barks, “We need coffee.” 

Dean turns to stares at Castiel but the man just laughs, “I can help with that. You’ve come to the right place.” He aims his mega watt beam at Castiel and Kaia rolls his eyes again. She has a feeling that she is going to be doing that a lot today. 

Dean clears his throat, “What my associate is trying to say is, can we have three large coffees and we will also need to speak to anyone who was working here three nights ago.” 

In a well practiced move, Dean pulls out his badge from his suit jacket and Claire and Castiel mirror his gesture. 

The site of the badges stuns the man, but he seems to regain composure as he pulls out a coffee caffe and fills up three large cup. “May I asked what this is about?” 

“I’m agent Green, these are my associates agent Fleetwood and agent Nicks. A women, a Ms. Adelina Rana, was found dead this morning and her last known location was here, three nights ago.” 

The man places the coffees on the counter, “I was working that night and well, every night. I’m the bakery owner, Noah Hart. But I’m sorry, I don’t know an Adelina.” 

Dean takes the coffees and hands them over to Castiel and Claire. Pulling out his wallet, he hands over his credit card to Noah. 

When Castiel takes the coffee, he mumbles, “Don’t forget the croissants.” 

Dean eyes roll but he hold up three fingers. “And three croissants please.”

Noah just smiles, “Sure, no problem. I just made these, so they’re still fresh.” Noah pulls out the trays from underneath the counter and uses tongs to place three flaky, buttery croissant in a paper bag. 

While Noah is ringing up Dean’s credit card, Castiel take a deep inhale of the coffee and when he takes a sip, he moans into his cup with obvious satisfaction and pleasure. Pointedly facing straight ahead and definitely not towards Castiel who is standing right behind him, Dean appears to be having a complete meltdown and Claire has to stifle a laugh. Poor repressed Dean. 

When Noah hands Dean his receipt, credit card and croissants, Dean slides over a picture of Adelina for Noah to check out while he blindly shoves the bag at Castiel. Pulling out a croissant and taking a bite, Castiel moans into the buttery pastry, forcing Dean to grip the counter and squeeze his eyes shut. Coffee nearly comes out of Claire’s nose as she attempts to cover her laugh with a cough. Castiel turns to Claire with a look of concern and pats her on the back but Claire waves him off with a hand and thinks that she isn’t going to be able to last all day with these oblivious idiots. 

“Oh, Addy.” Noah studies the photo mournfully, “Yeah, I do know her, she is part of the erotic bookclub.”

This time it’s Dean who nearly spits out his coffee, “I’m sorry, the what?”

Looking bashful, Noah replies, “Oh, I’m probably not suppose to call it that. But you know, they aren’t exactly quiet about what they are reading. So, I hear things.”

Taken aback, Dean points to the tastefully arranged sofa chairs in the large seating area of the cafe, “So what, a bunch of ladies meet up at your coffee shop to talk Fabio and Shades of Grey?” 

Grinning and shaking his head, Noah responses, “Erotica is more than just bodice rippers and it certainly isn’t just for the ladies.” 

Castiel, having been reawakens by caffeine, chimes in, “Dean, you shouldn’t judge those who take pleasure in reading of the romance genre. Often times, work of fiction that have been traditionally targeted at women are subjected to harsher criticism and not given the literary merit that they deserve.” 

Dean gives Castiel a side eye, but then he catches that Noah has raised an interested eyebrow at Castiel and Dean does a double take. With this, Claire decides that she has died, she has died and this is her hell. 

When no other response comes from Dean, Claire takes the lead, understanding that Dean is temporarily buffering, “Can you give us the names of the members of the book club?” Claire hands Noah a notepad with a silver pen. 

Noah jots down a few names and hands the pad and pen back to Claire, showing no signs of sensitivity to silver. Then, Noah leans against the counter, a move that flexes his biceps that are visible through his tight sleeves, “The group leader, Jamie Ramzi, comes in at 9 almost every morning, so if you have any other questions about the club, you should be able to catch Jamie if you stick around for a bit.”

This peaks Claire’s interest. Perhaps this is the same Jamie from Heartbreakers. 

Dean, likely thinking the same things, responses, “We will be sure to talk to her.”

“Him.” Noah replies and then remarks. “I told you, romance is not just for the ladies.” 

Having finished off his croissant and most of his coffee, Castiel takes a sniff of a new aroma that has wafted from the back of the bakery, “Are those cinnamon rolls that I smell?” 

Noah smirks, “Those are my famous sticky buns. But be warned, they have a ton of sugar and honestly, I think you are already sweet enough.” With that, Noah gives Castiel a wink. 

Dean intercepts, “OK, thank you for your time, Mr. Hart. I’ll be sure to talk to Jamie once he arrives if you could let me know when he gets here.” 

“Sure thing, and anything else that I can get you,” Noah reaches across the counter to place a hand on Castiel’s arm, “and I mean anything else, please let me know.”

Castiel doesn’t response and merely tilts his head. Seeing this, Dean grabs Castiel by the shoulders and turns him around so he can guiding him to the front of the cafe. Walking away and with his hand still on Castiel, Dean responses over his shoulder, “I’ll be in touch.”

When they get some distance from the counter, Dean withdraws his hand quickly. Castiel swivels around to face Dean and demands, “What was that about Dean?”

‘What was that about???” Dean sputters, “Cas, you can’t flit with the suspect.” 

Looking offended, Castiel responses, ”I wasn’t flirting and you, you always flirt with the suspect.” 

“That’s not the point.” Dean quips and Castiel sighs. 

Claire send a silent thanks to Jack when Sam and Kaia come in to save her from Dean and Castiel’s non-lover's quarrel 

Walking up to the trio, Sam asks, “Any luck?” 

“Well, Cas almost got lucky.” Claire replies and she is met by a large variety of looks from the team. The looks consists of mostly confusion, some frustration and from Kaia, a dash of amusement. 

Dean rakes his hand through his hair, “I just, I just can’t not deal with this right now.”

Sam sighs, “I’m not even going to ask.” 

Claire angles her head to the counter, “Castiel’s suitor over there says that our victim was part of a book club run by a man name Jamie. He gave us a list of names of other book club members.” 

Claire scans the list of names provided by Noah and she stops when she comes to a familiar one. “Along with Adelina, one of the other member was Page. What are the chances that this Jamie Ramzi is the same mysterious Jamie that you heard about from Heartbreakers?”

Sam nods, “It makes sense. How do we track down Jamie?”

“He is supposes to show up here at around 9, so my plan is to wait around until then.” Dean replies. 

“Sounds good,” Sam responses. “The morgue should be opening soon, so I say while you wait here, a couple of us can go see if there are any other leads from the body. Claire, you’ve been point on the PD contact, I’ll follow your lead.” 

Claire nods, thinking damn right she is taking the lead, finally getting the respect she deserves. Kaia hands her the keys she used to drive their Forester here. Sam and Claire turn to leave but before they are gone, Dean stops them, “You should take Cas with you. If there are any other letters to translate, it will be good to have an in personal google translator ready to go.” 

Cas retorts. “Now you’re sending me away? Why can’t I stay here? I can get one of those sticky bun while I wait for Jamie.” 

“No. No sticky buns for you Casanova.” With this Dean turns beet red but he tries to recover, “Sam and Claire are going to need your translation help. Kaia and I will scope everything out here and wait for Mr. E.L. James to show up for questioning.” 

A pissed off Castiel storms out of the cafe and into the parking lot. 

When Sam and Claire turns to follow, Sam ask, “Do I want to know what that was about?” 

Claire just shakes her head, “You have the patience of a saint Sam. I don’t see how you have managed to be around those two for this long as you have.” 

Sam laughs, patting Claire on the shoulder, and they head out into the parking lot.

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Their trip to the morgue ends in another dead end. The body looks the same as the others and they don’t find any more clues. Castiel helps translate the letter to be, “For you, in my respect, are all the world. Then how can it be said I am alone. When all the world is here to look on me?” Which means, something? Claire reads and re-reads the letter, but it’s just another clue that doesn’t get them any closer to finding the empath and stopping the murders. 

Claire texts Kaia to see if Jamie has showed up yet, but Kaia and Dean are still waiting. Kaia texts back “Dean keeps giving the cute baker death stares and I’m worried I'm going to be implicated in his murder. Can you be my alibi?” Claire smiles and is so thankful that she isn’t there having to bear witness to the tragedy of Dean Winchester’s love life. 

Because Jamie is still a no show at the cafe, the team decide to take a more active role in finding him. Claire calls his work and finds out he has called in sick. They head to his apartment but they don’t see any clues of his presence there either. The decision is make that she will stake out his apartment with Castiel and Sam will follow up with the contacts provided by the police department. 

Parked across the street from Jamie’s apartment building, Claire settles in for what she assumes will be a long stakeout. Claire’s well versed with how boring stakeouts can be and she makes sure that her phone is plugged into the dash and fully charged. A dead phone battery could mean being stuck in the car with just Castiel to entertain her for the next several hours. Those silent hours can lead to deep conversations and Claire doesn’t want the topic to turn to her budding relationship with Kaia. So yeah, Claire makes sure that her phone is charged. 

But Claire’s fears about the potential of having a heart to heart are unnecessary as Castiel also appears to not be in the state of mind for any deep conversation. The silence give Claire’s mind freedom to wonder. She had been nervous to leave Kaia alone with Dean, especially knowing how Kaia feels about him. But, something shifted between the two of them yesterday. While not overly friendly, some of the tension between them has eased. Claire even receives a text from Kaia saying, “I think I’m too far into the conversation to ask what a zeppelin is,” and Claire stifles a laugh. Maybe everything will work out. She’s not expecting something as mushy as weekly Zoom calls or monthly family dinners but she is comforted that she no longer needs to worry about Kaia “accidentally” shoving Dean in front of a speeding bus. It’s progress. 

Claire’s little bubble of hope pops when a bit after 3 PM, she receives a text from Kaia saying “Jamie here, come 2 the cafe now.” 

Claire nudges Castiel to show him the message and she starts up the car. She texts back, “Everything OK?” but she doesn’t receive a response. The silence weighs heavy and the longer the text message goes without a response, the more the panic in Claire’s gut starts to grow. 

When Claire pulls into the parking lot in front of the cafe, she has no trouble finding a parking spot because the once full lot is now empty. When they walk into the cafe, the change is even more stark. The morning crowd has vanished and the sitting area is completely empty, as is totally empty, as in Dean and Kaia are not there. The ambience has changed from this morning. While the cafe earlier had seemed bright and cheerful, the now empty room is sterile and cold. Yes, the space is still the same. The chairs hadn’t moved, cliche posters still hang on the wall, and the same ear-wormy love songs are playing in the background. But somehow, the room feels different. Claire isn’t able to determine what, but something has changed. 

From behind the counter, Noah greets them with his annoyingly cheerful smiles. “Agent Nicks, Agent Fleetwood, good to see you again. How can I help you?”

“Where is everyone?” Claire asks. 

Noah responses, “After the lunch rush, it is usually dead around here until five. Are you looking for Agent Green and Agent McVie?”

Castiel responses briskly, “Yes, are they here?” 

Noah nods, “Jamie came in looking distressed, so Agent Green asked if they could use the storage space in the back for privacy. You are welcome to join them.” 

Noah points to the door that is along the back wall before his continues, “I need to man the front in case any consumers come in, but you are free to go back there if you would like.” 

Castiel nods and he heads to the back door. Claire follows him, but she continues to scan the room. She doesn’t like this. Something doesn’t feel right. Where is everyone and why hasn’t Kaia responded to her texts? 

Castiel opens the door and she follows him down the long hallway until they reach two doors. Castiel nods that he will take the one on the left and Claire takes the one on the right. Pushing pass the door, she enters a large, dark open room with metal shelves filled with stacks of dry goods and rows of baking equipment lined up against the wall. Most of the room is in shadows but she can just make two shapes in the empty part of the middle of the room. Claire finds the light switch and when she flicks it on, she hears Dean shouts, “Claire, look out!” 

But before she can turn around, the world goes black. 

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Claire’s eyes flutter open and her vision begins to focus. A bright spot light illuminates the empty space in the middle of the room, but the rest of the room is still in shadows. Her head is pounding and she lets out a groan. Through the fuzzy noise in her ears, she hears, “Morning cupcake,” from a familiar voice and she looks up to see Dean about 20 feet in front of her. From what she can see in the shadows, in true campy horror movie style, he is tied to a wooden chair, layers of ropes snaked around his torso. Despite their dire situation, he seems to have a “welp, at least we are in this together” type of attitude and for some reason, it infuriates Claire. 

Claire gazes down to inspect her own bindings and turning to her right, she sees Kaia tied to a chair with her head slumped to the side. Frantically scanning to her left, she spots Castiel lying on the floor, unconscious next to an empty chair. Panic begins to creep up Claire’s chest, constricting her lungs and she begins to gasp for air. 

“Stay calm.” She hears Dean call gently. 

“Calm?” Claire snaps, desperately pulling at her restraints, “Are you serious? We have to get out of here.”

In an annoyingly soothing voice Dean consoles, “I agree with you, we have to get out of here. But to do that, we have to remain calm. We are working with an empath that feeds off of strong emotions, so the more agitated we get, the stronger he gets.”

“Oh yeah and how did you figure that out?” Claire retorts back, looking over to the still unconscious Kaia. 

“We’ve been here awhile and I’ve learned from my mistakes.” Dean responses coldly. “But know that Kaia is going to be fine as long as you stay calm.” 

Still watching Kaia, Claire thinks, _Move. Please move Kaia. Show me that you’re still alive._

When she see that Kaia’s is still breathing, Claire can finally take a deep breath. 

“Better?” Dean asks.

“Sure.” Claire responses, hoping sarcasm isn’t an emotion an empath can feed on. 

Claire inspects the room and decides on her next strategy. “OK, I know what we need to do.” 

“What’s your plan?” Dean asks.

Claire breaths, “Get out of the restraints and beat the empath’s ass.” 

Dean nods slowly, “Ok, solid strategy, a few notes.” Dean pulls at his own restraints "First, how are you get free and B, how do you plan on fighting him.” 

“For the restraints, don’t worry, I got that handled. Kaia and I have practiced,” and Claire gives Dean a knowing wink. 

Dean grimaces, “Didn’t need to know that.” 

Claire smiles, taking a bit of pleasure of knocking Dean off his game when he is acting so much more annoyingly cooler than her, “As for the beat down, I was thinking about fighting fire with fire and using my fist of fury.”

Dean shakes his head, “Found out the hard way you don’t want the empath touching you. When he touches you, he can suck the energy out of you as well as emotion. I’m guessing that it why Kaia and Cas are still unconscious.” 

Claire shimmies her left foot and feels the satisfying weigh of her trusted sliver blade, tucked into her boot for safe keepings. “Ok, then how about my silver blade.” 

Dean shakes his head, “About that, the lore lied, silver doesn’t effect the empath. Might get a few scratches in but we are going to need a bigger knife to get the job done.” 

“Not sensitive to silver? How do you know that?” Claire balks. 

A menacing voice calls from the entry way of the room. “Because it is something he learned the hard way.” 

With a satisfied grin, Noah slides into the room, passing from the shadows and into the light with cool confidence. “Can’t always believe everything that you read.” 

Noah flashes Kaia’s cellphone as he places the phone and the length of rope he was carrying on the nearby table. “You really should be more careful about who you hand a silver pen to sweetheart. I’ve been doing this a very long time and I know all the tricks. A Zoomer using pen and paper is a dead give away that you’re a hunter.” 

Claire sneers at Noah but is mostly upset with herself. Damn it, she knew something was off, why hadn’t she trusted her gut? 

Claire snarls at Noah, “Great, it was you all along.” She turns to Dean, “Guess his croissants were too good to be true.” 

Noah chuckles, “Well the secret ingredient was literally love, that is what makes them so scrumptious and so addicting.” 

“Hold on, I thought empaths feed on emotions, not served them up on a plate of bake goods?” 

“I’ll let you in on my old family recipe. For centuries, I have siphon off emotions for selected sources and put those good feeling into my baking to attract new customers.” Noah sits on the table and start unraveling the length of rope, working out the knots. “While I’ve been doing this for awhile, I’ve managed to stay mostly under the radar by being careful on who I select to harvest from. The problem is, this new world craves love, so I got a little too popular too fast and had trouble keeping up with my normal supply. The more I put into my baking, the more sources I needed. As you can expect, when I took too many sources, hunters get involved.”

Claire shakes her head. “Sources? Is that what we are doing here? Is this like a farm to table style situation? How about you make us free range?”

Noah laughs. “Well aren’t you a clever one. I can see why she fell for you.” 

Claire shifts in her seat, testing out the limits of her restrains, refusing to let Noah get to her. She will not be taken down by a “Noah” and his Colgate smile. “So what about Jamie? Is he an empath too?” 

Noah clicks his touch, “Jamie, oh Jamie. No, Jamie isn’t an empath. He’s just one charming man who accidentally lead me to some scrumptious sources of love. The way he made people around him feel, oh it was irresistible. Leon’s deep devotion, Judy’s jealously, Page’s unrequited attraction and Addy’s friendship. I couldn’t help myself, I had to get a taste.” 

“So where is Jamie now?” 

“Your guess is as good as mine. I’m assuming he is likely in hiding. Wouldn’t you be too if people around you were dying under mysterious circumstances?” Having finally undone the knots in the rope, Noah claps his hands together and pushes off from the table. “But enough about him, I want to talk about you. You have inspired me. You will make my customers so very satisfied because complicated emotions make the most complex flavors. What do you think I should create? Maybe a sweet and rich baklava? How about a zesty lemon tart?”

Dean pretends to be a sleep and jolt back away, “Oh sorry, did I sleep through your, ‘oh I am evil and here is my evil plan’ speech? Because honestly, I've heard it twice already and it was wasn’t any better the second time.” 

“Oh Officer Green, if that is even your real name. Doubt it is. But it don’t matter anyways, I don’t care about names or labels.” Noah shakes his head and walks behind Dean and begins massaging Dean’s shoulders as Dean sits rigidly still. “I want you to know, you don’t have to pull this macho tough guys routine with me. You aren’t fooling me. I can feeling all your emotions. A well placed hand, a sweet little smile, and oh I read you like one of those smutty little books from Jamie’s book club. All those feeling coming out of you, all at once. Don’t try and hide from me. I know how you feel, even if you don’t.” Noah’s hands on Dean’s shoulders begin to squeeze tighter and Claire watches Dean’s lip twitch. 

“But,” Noah removes his hands, “All that repressed emotion, just concentrates the flavor, so I think I’m just going to let you stew in it for awhile longer.” 

Noah waltz over to Kaia and Claire. “But you two, my darlings,” Noah beholds Kaia and Claire, “First love, oh, isn’t it just the sweetest.” 

Pausing to snidely regard Dean, Noah comments, “You would know, won’t you?” Claire turns to see Dean gripping his teeth, biting back words she knows he wants to say. 

Noah saunters behind the unconscious Kaia and begins sniffing at her hair while eyeing Claire, “Did you know that you are her first love? Because I know, I can smell it on her like a perfume. There is a certain sweetness to a heart the first time it falls.” 

Claire snaps out, “Leave her alone,” which only brings out a snort from Noah.

“Claire,” Dean consoles, “you are going to have to calm down. Trust me.” 

Noah continues to snicker, “You really should trust him. I’ve been feeding off your girl all afternoon and he kept screaming and screaming, not realizing that no one could hear him back here and that all his anger was just making me stronger.” 

Claire tries to calm down but how can she when Noah is weaving his hands in Kaia’s hair. The empath has been feeding off of her for hours. Kaia was in danger for hours and Claire didn’t know. Claire has let Kaia down again, abandoning her when she needed her the most. 

But Claire’s self hating inner monolog is cut short when there is a murmur behind Noah and Castiel begins to stir. Castiel mumbles incoherently as he starts to search around the room. 

“Cas,” Dean calls out but then he snaps his mouth shut before he can say anything else. 

Glancing over his shoulders, Noah remarks, “And what is this, does someone else want to join our party?” 

Cas works his way to a hunched standing position, wobbling on his unsteady legs. His eyes are unfocused and Claire can tell that he is still trying to grasp what is happening around him. 

Recognizing familiar faces, Castiel ask, “Dean, Claire, are you alright? What’s going on?” 

Attempting a soothing tone, Dean calls to him, “Cas, I need you to stay calm.” 

Stumbling backward until he bumps up against the table, Cas grunts, “Dean, the most effective way to make someone panic is to tell them to stay calm.” 

Dean tries to reign in his frustration. “Cas, can you just… not right now.” 

Noah chuckles, “Oh, I’m going to have so much fun with you two.” 

Seeing that Noah is distracted with Castiel, Claire starts working at the bindings around her wrists. Kaia still hasn’t woken up and from what Dean said about siphoning off energy, she wonders how much energy Noah has already taken from Kaia. 

While still clearly disoriented, Castiel pulls out his angel blade from his jacket and lunges forward. Noah scoffs and easily grabs the blade from Castiel’s grip and tosses it on the table next to the rope and Kaia’s cell phone. Seizing the front of Castiel’s shirt, Noah throw him into the chair, which near topples over from the force. 

Noah saunters behind Castiel and leaning down, he put his face next to Castiel, cheek to cheek. Castiel turns his head away, but Noah grabs his chin, forces him to look forward so they are both facing Dean. In a mocking tone, Noah taunts Dean, “Officer Green, I must say, I really should thank you. You, sitting in my cafe all afternoon, feeling all the things that you have been feelings, it has made me stronger than I have been in centuries.”

Releasing Castiel’s chin, Noah moves in front of Castiel and leans in. Noah lazily draws a finger Castiel’s face, “But you,” Noah reaches down and winds Castiel’s tie around his fingers, “I wasn’t lying before. You are somethings so very sweet and so very interesting. You might be the sweetest things I’ve ever tasted.” Unthreading his fingers, the empath places a hand on Cas’ chest. Claire see the empath’s hands go ridged as Cas cries out in agony. 

“Stop it!” Claire shouts and pulls on her restraints. She has almost worked her way free, she just needs a bit more time. 

The empath pulls his hand away and cackles as Castiel sags over the side of the chair. Noah drunkenly stumble backwards, euphoric after what he has feed off of Castiel. He whispers,“Simply divine.” 

Licking the tips of his fingers, Noah savors every bite but his eyes are still full of hunger.  
Regaining his balance, the empath moves towards Cas again, as if to take another hit, when Dean calls out. “You think he taste good, you should get some of this.”

Noah snaps his head back to face Dean. “Excuse me?” 

“What? You’ve been draining her all day and you just took a bite off of him. But me, you’ve only been tasting. It’s like you have been avoiding me and honestly and it’s starting to hurt my feeling.”

Noah gives him a snide grin, “Oh, I haven’t been avoiding you, I’m saving you for last.” 

In a cocky demeanor, Dean replies, “Really? Or are you afraid of me? Do you think I might be too much to handle?” 

Noah slides over and straddles Dean. Leaning in, he is so close that they are forced to breath the same air. “Oh sweetheart, I see what you are doing, trying to save the ones you love. But I can tell you this, your efforts are in vain. No one will make it out of this alive. But if you insists on going first, who am I to stand in your way.” 

Noah grabs Dean by the hair, and yanking Dean’s head back, Noah licks a long trail up Dean’s neck. Noah shivers, “So delicious.” 

Placing a hand on Dean’s chest, the empath begins gripping at Dean’s shirt. Claire get one wrist free but she can see the grimace on Dean’s face. While he doesn’t scream, she can tell he is in agony and holding back, not wanting to give the empath the satisfaction. She doesn’t know how long she has before the empath takes everything from him. Claire almost has her second hand free, when she looks over to see Castiel push himself off of the chair, grabbing the angle blade from the table and with all the strength he has left, jabbing the blade into the empath’s back, into his heart.

As Cas extracts the blade, the empath lets out a gurgle and then slumps backward off of Dean before falling to the floor. The room goes quiet. For a moment, Dean and Castiel just focus on each other. Castiel, illuminated by the spot light above, his angle blade dripping with blood and his chest heaving for breath. Dean, casted in shadows and still restrained to the chair with his face locked in a neutral mask. After a deep breath, Castiel collapses down to the floor. 

“Cas!” Dean calls out in panic as he fights against the restraints. “Cas!” 

Claire frees herself and sprints over to Cas, who works his way back up to sitting and mutters “I’m fine Claire, just a little light headed.” Dean breaths. He breaths like he had been holding his breath the whole time. 

“C..Claire?” Claire hears from a voice behind her, and she flips around to see that Kaia is waking up. Pulling the silver blade from her boot, Claire quickly cuts through the bidding holding Kaia and Claire drags her in for a desperate kiss. 

When Claire finally lets Kaia go, she looks back to see Castiel is still struggling to free Dean, his hands shaking and his breath still not steady. Claire tosses Castiel her blade while she goes to make sure the empath is truly dead. 

Cutting the rope, Castiel finally frees Dean and he helps him to stand. For a beat, the two men just staring into each other eyes. But something seems to break in Dean and he wraps himself around Castiel, arms entwined around Castiel’s back, drawing the other man in and Claire can hear Dean mummer, “I thought I lost you again.” 

Previously stiff, something eases in Castiel as he reaches his arms around Dean as well and responses, “It’s alright Dean, I’m still here.” 

This cause a hitch in Dean breath. Bit by bit, Dean lets go and Castiel just holds him. Eventually, when Dean’s breathing has evened out, Castiel pulls away. Dean is unable to meet Castiel’s eyes and Castiel is unable to look away from Dean’s face. Focusing on Castiel chest, Dean’s eyes suddenly grow wide, as he calls out, his hands padding at the red blob on the front of Castiel’s chest. “You’re injured.” 

Reluctantly tearing his eyes away from Dean’s face, Castiel glances down and placing a hand in the middle of his chest, his fingers brushing against Dean's, “No, I’m not” 

Castiel gazes travels from his own chest to inspects Dean and he locates the source of the blood, a growing bloom of scarlet against Dean’s white shirt. “You’re bleeding!” Castiel exclaims.

Stunned, Dean touches his chest and winces. With still shaking hands, Dean opens up the buttons of his shirt and reveals a gash in the center of his chest, where blood has started to drips down. Bewilder, Dean says, “I didn’t even feel it.” 

Panicking, Castiel surveys the floor and see his angle blade laying on the ground where he dropped it just moments ago. The metallic surface still glistening with the blood of the empath and evidently Dean’s blood as well. Realization dawning that the blade must have gone further than Castiel intended and pierced into Dean chest. Studying the gash over Dean’s heart, Castiel whispers, “I did this. I stabbed you. I hurt you.” Castiel extends out a hand to heal Dean but then realizes that he can’t and jerks his hand away before it touches Dean’s expose skin. 

Dean reach out for Castiel hand in reassurance and says, “Cas, its,” 

But before he can finish, Castiel shakes his head and cuts him off, “Don’t Dean, just don’t.”

Castiel storms out of the room, leaving Dean stunned and alone. 

~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~<>~  
Claire is grateful when Sam arrives thirty minutes later. Mostly she is just thankful that she won’t have to finish the clean up herself. After Claire patched up Kaia with more kisses than what is medically necessary, she insisted that Kaia attend to the gash in Dean chest, mostly because it means that they wouldn’t be doing any heavy lifting. Having gathered the bleach and other cleaning supplies, Claire breaths a heavy sigh of relief when Sam comes rushing in, guns raised and ready for a show down. Too worn out and needing to get as far away as possible, Claire simply points to the supplies and says to Sam, “Your turn.” 

Grabbing Kaia’s hand, she guides her to the parking lot, where she is surprised to find Castiel waiting in the back seat of her car. They drive back to the hotel room in silence and when they reach their room, Kaia flops on the bed, completely drained.

Claire has a decision to make. She looks over to Castiel and after regarding her father’s face, she turns back to Kaia. Without hesitating, Claire climbs into bed and curls up next to her girlfriend, finally not caring what her father would think.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter still needs some work, but as a teaser, I'll let you know that the chapter is from Castiel's perspective and is about how he is adjusting to his new life. 
> 
> **“Dreams” by The Cranberries**
> 
> _Oh, my life is changing everyday  
>  In every possible way  
> And oh, my dreams  
> It's never quite as it seems  
> (Never quite as it seems)_
> 
> _I know I felt like this before  
>  But now I'm feeling it even more  
> Because it came from you  
> Then I open up and see  
> The person falling here is me  
> A different way to be _


End file.
